


the end of infinity with you

by showho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Mentioned Yoo Kihyun, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-08-20 05:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16549415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showho/pseuds/showho
Summary: “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend?” Hyunwoo asks, just because the words are hitting him too fast and he feels like he’s going through the verbal equivalent of whiplash. He can’t keep up with what Hoseok’s asking.(Or, Hyunwoo pretends to be Hoseok's boyfriend again as a favor. There's road trips, coffee shops and old memories in between.)





	1. i. fading in and out of long nights

**Author's Note:**

> henlo it's me so soon uwu !!! i honestly didn't plan on writing this but i got started on the outline about a week ago, and 7.9k words later it's done and i realized -- i just had to write this fic. also, i've seen some people on twitter talk about a fake dating showho au, so i really hope i can deliver!!!
> 
> i'm a little nervous since it's my first multichapter fic that i've actually outlined and therefore can commit to (couldn't commit 2 my other ones bc they hAD NO STRUCTURE !!!!!) and it's just a matter of writing it out. just a quick note that there's not really any schedule, but i do hope to update at least once a week ? i have no irl commitments so . mayhaps we can see it happen ! 
> 
> ALSO another quick note -- not beta'd for now but i did do some editing and reading over just to make sure the chapters are okay :D ! any obvious mistakes,,, pls point them out 2 me jhgksj my two brain cells .... they're working really hard ! also ... this is set in america but . i've never been to america . i did do some research in hopes it won't be _glaringly_ obvious but pls ;; excuse ;;; if it gets a little vague.
> 
> fic title was pulled from fall out boy's "the last of the real ones" nd chapter title is from troye sivan's "what a heavenly way to die" !
> 
> kudos nd especially comments are much appreciated!!! pls feel free to hmu on my twt / cc linked at the end of the chapter !!! i'd rly rly love that :D !!!! 
> 
> okay now w/o further ado !!! here we go !!!!!!!

“Close the door, it’s cold.” Hyunwoo calls out, curled underneath his blanket when he hears the front door click open. His eyes never leave his phone once, not even when Hyungwon stomps into his peripheral view. He ignores the younger male, hopes that his curled up figure on the couch will deter Hyungwon from dragging him out on whatever plan he had for a Friday night.

It doesn’t work, it never does.

Hyunwoo will give credit that Hyungwon tries as hard as he does to pull the blanket off his shoulders. It’s just too bad Hyunwoo’s wrapped it around himself as a half-hearted way to stave off the chill of his apartment. He laughs as Hyungwon struggles, but that laughter turns into a yelp of pain when he tumbles onto the floor.

“Get up,” Hyungwon demands, and Hyunwoo rolls himself away. “Hyunwoo—Jesus, it’s hard to believe you’re twenty-eight—come on, I’m taking you out.”

Hyunwoo hits the wall with a muffled ‘ow’. His cat, Makki, startles at the thump and trots over to prod at his face with a curious paw before she wanders off to get pats from Hyungwon. Hyunwoo writes that interaction off as another betrayal for the books.

“I don’t wanna go anywhere,” Hyunwoo says, twisting around in his blanket prison so he can look at Hyungwon’s raised eyebrow and overall unimpressed demeanor. “It’s Friday, let me stay home and watch Goblin like every other twenty-eight year old.”

“Every other twenty-eight year old I know is either married, engaged or in a long term relationship. You, on the other hand,” Hyungwon approaches Hyunwoo before he gently kicks at his side. Hyunwoo can’t even swipe his socked foot away, and it tickles, so he settles for wriggling unhappily. “Are single. If you’re not going to find your true love, then at least come so I have someone to complain to.”

Hyunwoo wants to make this more difficult for Hyungwon, he really does. He finds it funny how Hyungwon huffs and rolls his eyes and crosses his arms like a mom tired of her misbehaving kids. He acts older for someone only twenty-four, and Hyunwoo knows Hyungwon will only take so much more teasing before he forces a weather appropriate jacket on him and yanks him out the door. Either way, Hyungwon’s not taking ‘no’ for an answer.

So, Hyunwoo unwraps his blanket (he struggles a little, because rolling around did  _ something _ to it) and throws it onto the sofa. “Help me decide what to wear, then?” He asks, a way of soothing the narrowed eyes and furrowed brows on Hyungwon’s features.

It works, since Hyungwon uncrosses his arms, sighs again and smiles fondly at him. “C’mon, it’s cold enough that you can finally use that leather jacket I bought you a while ago.”

“Oh, that’s exciting,” Hyunwoo says, “love a good dominating look.”

Hyungwon peels off his sock and throws it into Hyunwoo’s face.

******

The club is predictably crowded on a Friday night, with people pressed together in large groups. The bass reverberates inside Hyunwoo’s chest, and he lingers near the walls until Hyungwon tugs on his arm, pointing to an empty spot at the bar before making a beeline for it. He easily weaves through the dense crowd until he can lay his hand flat upon the surface, calling it for his own. A second later, he makes a face, lips pulled down in a grimace as he peels his hand off the table. 

Hyunwoo smiles to himself as he pushes his way through the crowd, following the general path Hyungwon had laid out for him, just minus all the grace. It doesn’t matter though, since the crowds part easily for someone so physically imposing. He ends up settling next to Hyungwon and accepting the glass of water he passes over. 

The music is just shy of overbearing on Hyunwoo, some remix of a pop song he can barely recognize. He ducks his head, focuses on his glass of water so he doesn’t lose himself under the combined effort of music and lights and almost misses the way Hyungwon taps his shoulder, a grab for attention that has him looking up and turning in his seat.

“I’m gonna go dance with that guy,” Hyungwon says, pointing to the edge of the floor. Hyunwoo can’t see who he’s pointing to, but he nods anyways.

“I’ll stay here with my drink, text me if you’re going home with him.”

“I know,” Hyungwon smiles, soft under a sudden harsh pink light and slips into the crowd. Hyunwoo spins his chair around, pulling his phone out of his pocket and sipping at his water again. He knows very well that he could just go home right now, sneak out of the club like he’s trying to leave his house undetected, but he stays in case Hyungwon needs him. 

(Hyungwon doesn’t really _need_ Hyunwoo in situations like these. He was always seamless in his integration with big crowds and Hyunwoo knows that, knows that Hyungwon chooses to drag him out so he can remember what fresh air tastes like outside of his workplace and his house.)

He ends up checking his emails, moving any with a subject line that seemed like it would be important to a ‘Check later’ folder. He’s not even immersed in what he’s doing, eyes blurring over the words as he holds his own against people pushing in for more drinks. He wants to go home, wants to go pet his cat and watch Goblin until his eyes are heavy with sleep. He wants, but he never makes a move for it.

“Can you—I said  _ stop _ , alright? I don’t want to dance with you. Leave me alone.”

Hyunwoo’s thumb hovers over the latest email. The club suddenly slows to a crawl. The music sounds distorted, muffled like it’s behind several walls. Hyunwoo looks to where the words had stood out to him most, and right there, pinned between the wall and another faceless person was  _ Hoseok. _

He doesn’t know what possesses him, isn’t even aware of his own body until he’s  _ moving,  _ pushing through the crowds until he’s pulling this stranger back, wrapping a protective hand around Hoseok’s waist. Hoseok startles at the contact but relaxes once Hyunwoo taps his side twice, an old signal he’s surprised Hoseok still remembers. 

Hyunwoo smiles at Hoseok, sweet before saying, “Hey babe.” He looks away from Hoseok to glare at the stranger, hopes that he’ll get the message without trying to pick a fight. He pointedly ignores the way they try to shove back into Hoseok’s personal space. 

“Hyunwoo,” Hoseok breathes and something in his expression clicks. He immediately presses closer to him, a laugh spilling from his lips that teeters the edge between believable and too nervous. “You’re late.”

“What’s the fucking deal here?” Whoever had been harassing Hoseok is  _ angry _ , chin held high as he tries (unsuccessfully) to get Hoseok’s attention again. Hoseok’s eyes are averted, staring straight into the leather of Hyunwoo’s jacket, and Hyunwoo shrugs, aiming for casual despite the way his hands shake. 

“I’m his boyfriend,” Hyunwoo says. “Got caught up in the crowd. You understand, right?”

Hoseok stifles a laugh. The guy glares one last time, eyeing the way Hyunwoo stands between him and Hoseok, looking for any opening in the made-up lie. After a beat, he ends up swearing loudly before stalking off into the crowd. Hyunwoo waits for a moment longer, hand lingering around Hoseok’s waist before he steps aside, puts space between them again. 

“Are you okay?” He asks.

Hoseok nods. “Thanks, Hyunwoo.”

Hyunwoo shrugs. The adrenaline (if he could even call it that) is starting to wear off, and he turns, ready to leave and step into the November air. He makes it one half-step before Hoseok gets a hand around his wrist, holding him in place. Hyunwoo makes a noise of surprise, turning in place and Hoseok’s grip disappears. 

“How have you been?” Hoseok asks, and Hyunwoo thinks briefly that he doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to commit to a conversation with Hoseok. He’s too  _ real _ , living and breathing and the exact opposite of the ghost he’s spent the last three years committing to memory. But his warm, brown eyes are inviting—just as they had been all those years ago, and Hyunwoo finds himself replying without meaning to.

“Okay, I guess. I still work at that company,” Hyunwoo says. “Still an accountant.” 

Hoseok smiles, and Hyunwoo hates how genuine it is. “That’s good, you’ve always been dedicated.” 

_ There’s a difference between dedication and just plain not moving on _ , Hyunwoo thinks, but says nothing further. Hoseok fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“I’ve been—I’ve been okay too. I’ve done a little more producing in music, even have a few songs out.” Hoseok says, looking up to Hyunwoo. “I moved back, by the way. Moved back here permanently. I’m gonna go visit my mom in Washington.”

Hyunwoo hums, just because he’s not sure what to say. He’s surprised Hoseok even wants to let Hyunwoo into his life again, even if it’s just the surface. “What happened to LA?”

“Nothing! It was just—I missed New York. I wanted to come back home. I thought it was about time.” Hoseok is fidgeting, playing with his sleeves, his hands, running a hand through his hair. Hyunwoo knows he has something he wants to say. “Actually, now that we bumped into each other again—can you hear me out for this?”

His eyes search Hyunwoo’s face, and Hyunwoo has always,  _ always _ been weak against Hoseok’s requests. “If I didn’t want to, I’d have left already.”

“My mom has been asking about my relationships, you know. Just because she’s worried for me. I can’t really,” Hoseok takes a deep breath. “I don’t like how sad she looks when I tell her I’m still single. So, I guess what I’m trying to ask is—could you do me a favor, please? Could we pretend to be in a relationship for a while? I know we broke up three years ago and I know my mom is aware of that but out of everyone I’ve ever dated, she liked you best. She  _ still _ likes you best.”

“You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend?” Hyunwoo asks, just because the words are hitting him too fast and he feels like he’s going through the verbal equivalent of whiplash. He can’t keep up with what Hoseok’s asking. “Wait—tell me that again, but condense it. What do you want from me?”

“Can you do me a favor and pretend that you’re my boyfriend when I go visit my mom in Washington? I’ll do  _ anything _ in return, I just don’t want to make her sad again.”

“Okay.”

“Because she’s been asking me nonstop for months—wait, what?”

“I said okay,” Hyunwoo shrugs, like it’s nothing for him. It’s everything, and he wishes his head was a little more into the conversation because he doesn’t trust his mouth to say anything smart. “I get a free favor out of it, right? And we’ve dated before, so it’s more believable if it’s me.”

“Oh, okay, alright.” Hoseok’s eyes are wide, mouth parted just a little like he can’t quite believe Hyunwoo so easily went with such a huge demand. “Um, what do you want in return?”

“I can’t think of anything right now, Hoseok, you put me on the spot.” He smiles, just to ease the weird tension that’s worked its way between them. “I’ll let you know when I think of something.”

Hoseok laughs, seemingly comforted by Hyunwoo’s smile. It quietens after a moment, and Hoseok exhales, long and drawn out and  _ relieved _ . “I’m planning on leaving the day after tomorrow. Just, drive down, you know?”

“Road trip?” 

“Yeah, it’s only about four hours. Are you still—is that okay?”

Hyunwoo nods. He trusts Hoseok will have a spacious car, considering their sizes and heights. Besides, four hours doesn’t sound like a bad idea. If anything, he could doze off, maybe listen to a couple podcasts. 

“Okay, that’s good. I’ll pick you up around four? Do you still live…?” He trails off, and Hyunwoo knows Hoseok’s asking if he still lives in that cramped apartment they used to call theirs.

“No, I moved. Give me your number, I’ll text you the address.” He passes over his phone and Hoseok fumbles as he takes it. 

“You didn’t keep my number?” Hoseok asks, and he sounds upset, disappointed that Hyunwoo didn’t keep it. Hyunwoo chooses not to comment on it. Their arrangement is only temporary anyways and before they know it, they’ll be back to living their separate ways. He focuses on his shoes and the fact that the club’s music is sounding less muffled. Maybe he’s finally coming back down to reality.

Hoseok passes his phone back, biting his lip. He looks like he wants to say more, but Hyunwoo cuts across it, ends it before he has to hear something he doesn’t want to. “I’m gonna go home then, I think Hyungwon’s lost to the crowd.”

“Hyungwon’s here?” Hoseok looks around before his eyes fall back to Hyunwoo. “I guess I’ll see you then. I need to stay, I’m Kihyun’s ride back.” 

Hyunwoo nods, waves his hand in goodbye ands slips through the crowd before Hoseok can respond. It’s startlingly cold outside the club, and his fingers are numb when he texts Hyungwon to let him know he’s heading back. Hyungwon doesn’t reply, so he figures he’s busy. He breathes out, lets it fog up before walking home.

******

As soon as he kicks his shoes off, he trudges over to the sofa, throwing himself onto it. He struggles for a moment to pull his phone out of his pocket and taps on his most recent message with Hyungwon.

_ Hoseok and I are fake dating for a week now so his mom won’t ask him questions. _ He hits send, and the sentence feels too surreal to look at. Fake dating his ex. Life works in mysterious ways.

Hyungwon replies a second later, and Hyunwoo can’t believe it’s Hoseok that gets his attention.  _ Hoseok?? Like Lee Hoseok?? The guy i introduced you to in college and that you dated for four years before breaking up? _

Hyunwoo sighs. They both only  _ know _ one Hoseok.  _ Yes, that Hoseok. _ He debates telling Hyungwon the whole story, then chooses not to.  _ we bumped into each other at the club and i let myself get roped into helping him out _

_ you just let yourself get roped into it? _ Even through text, Hyungwon sounds disbelieving. _ are you sure you’re _

There’s a pause in Hyungwon’s typing before,  _ idk how to say this delicately lol are u sure you’re over him? _

_ Yes of course i’m sure i’m over him.  _ Hyunwoo kicks the arm of the sofa. His life is too difficult.  _ it was just. The way he asked me, it was like my brain disconnected from my body and I didn’t even think about what I was saying, let alone what it actually meant. He asked, and I said yes, because I always hated saying no to him before. But it’s temporary. We’ll “break up” and he’ll go back to writing music and i can go back to my job. _

_ i mean. i guess. i can’t stop you now that you’ve committed to this, _ Hyungwon sends.  _ But make sure you don’t hurt him again _

_ what about my feelings? _

_ you’re not like hoseok, you’re not putting anything on the line other than your time.  _ Hyungwon tells him.

Hyunwoo sighs. Of course he wasn’t like Hoseok. Where Hoseok was so open and soft, Hyunwoo was reserved, quiet, more withdrawn. He hovers over the keyboard for a moment, willing a reply when Hyungwon sends another text.

_ whether you are or aren’t over him, remember he’s got his feelings too. don’t do anything to hurt him.  _

_ also stop texting me lol the guy i’m with just got out the shower _

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes now that the conversation had been effectively shut down. He puts his phone face down onto his stomach, staring up at the ceiling in blank thought until Makki meows loud enough to get his attention. He lets his hand dangle over the edge of the sofa, feels Makki’s head rub up against his palm and he gives her a little pat. 

“My life is hard, Makki.” He murmurs, and she makes a little sound in reply.

Hyunwoo ends up spending an unproductive hour trying to pack his suitcase. He doesn’t know what the weather in Washington is like, and Google only tells him it’ll be cold so he packs sweaters and sweatpants and jackets as nicely as he can before giving up in a huff and shoving everything into it. He resigns to thinking about packing tomorrow.

With nothing to think about or to occupy his hands with, he ends up feeling restless, a little burnt out at having met Hoseok again after so long of telling himself he would never see him again and crawls into bed without changing. He ends up kicking off his jeans but leaves his shirt on, pulling the blanket over his shoulder. 

(Hyunwoo stumbles over Hoseok’s shoes when he comes home, tired after a long day. Work had been unusually demanding, and Hyunwoo guesses it has something to do with the company expanding. He steps into the living room and smiles at Hoseok sitting cross legged on the floor, cradling their newly adopted cat Makki. “Hey,” he says and Hoseok looks up.

There’s something about his expression, the downturned lips and worried eyebrows, and Hyunwoo can tell that something’s wrong. He sits next to him, reaches over to pet Makki’s head before saying, “What’s up? You look sad.”

Hoseok worries his bottom lip before putting Makki down, watching as she runs off to a different corner of their small apartment. He plays with the frayed end of his sweatpants, twirling a grey thread around his finger. Hyunwoo waits, rubs Hoseok’s knee with a soothing hand.

“I got a job offer.” Hoseok says quietly, and Hyunwoo beams.

“That’s great! I’m so proud of you!” Hoseok’s expression doesn’t change. If anything, he looks even more upset, eyes brimming with unshed tears and Hyunwoo immediately starts fretting. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? It’s good, isn’t it? You can start releasing those songs you’ve been working on for so long.”

“It’s in LA,” Hoseok blurts out and Hyunwoo pauses.

“That’s—that’s far,” he murmurs. It’s across the  _ country _ . It’s a far cry from the varied weather of New York. LA was always  _ sunny _ , warm. It fit Hoseok so perfectly that Hyunwoo couldn’t imagine Hoseok turning it down, let alone for reasons like staying for Hyunwoo. 

Hyunwoo wasn’t  _ worth _ turning down dreams for.

“Did you take it?” Hyunwoo asks, and Hoseok hesitates. He doesn’t meet Hyunwoo’s eyes, and he doesn’t even have to say it to know. Hyunwoo decides, right then and there, what he has to do for Hoseok.

“We can—we can go long distance,” Hoseok says. “It’s only a three hour difference, we can still call and skype and text.”

“But it’s  _ across the country _ ,” Hyunwoo argues. “And if it’s a job, you could be there for months—maybe even years. It’s just unrealistic, Hoseok.” He stares down at his hands, laid in his lap. “You should go, you already took the offer but don’t,” he feels the lump in his throat, the break incoming, and forces it down. He can’t be selfish now. He needs to be sure that Hoseok will go forward. “Don’t take me with you.”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok is looking at him now, and Hyunwoo keeps his eyes on his hands. 

“Let’s break up.” He says, and hears the catch in Hoseok’s breath. He doesn’t dare to meet Hoseok’s eyes now, can’t bear to see the hurt on his features. He tells himself it’s necessary, that Hoseok’s only twenty-three with a whole  _ life _ ahead of him. “You can’t go forward if you’re tied down to some twenty-five year old accountant in New York.”

“Are you  _ serious?”  _ Hoseok snaps. Hyunwoo can feel the heat of his glare, of the unshed tears and heartbreak. He almost,  _ almost _ breaks, almost takes the words back.

But it’s still almost.

“I am.” Hyunwoo says. He tries to put some finality behind it, just so Hoseok doesn’t waste his time trying to convince him otherwise. Hyunwoo doesn’t know how long he can hold out against Hoseok’s persistence.

“You won’t even  _ try?” _

“I’m just thinking of the bigger picture, Hoseok. I’m trying to save us the hurt later on.” Hyunwoo finally looks at Hoseok, and it’s a mistake. He had been thinking of unshed tears, of quiet frustration. That had been an image he would be willing to look at, not Hoseok  _ now _ ; shaking his head in tiny movements, tears streaming down his cheeks as he takes shaky breath after shaky breath, his fists clenched in the fabric of his pants tightly. “It’s difficult if you’re all the way across the country. You won’t have time for  _ us _ if you’re trying to break into the music industry.”

Hoseok makes a pained sound at that, and Hyunwoo feels the prickly heat of incoming tears. He turns his head, blinking until he can clearly see their bookshelf against the wall. He wants to reach out to Hoseok, wants to comfort him and take his words back. He wants, but he never makes a move for it. “I’m sorry, Hoseok,” he says. “But it’s better for you this way.”)

Hyunwoo turns his phone over in his hand, staring at the newly added contact.  _ Hoseok _ it says, with a little cloud emoji. Something in his heart twinges, and he briefly debates sending a text, briefly thinks about sending him something like  _ hello _ or  _ hey _ or even  _ i’m sorry _ .

He ends up putting his phone on the nightstand. He doesn’t want to be the first one to reach out.


	2. ii. trapped up on a tightrope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the thing with lying is that you have to be consistent. hyunwoo's starting to worry he's letting his heart get the better of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said i'd try to stick to weekly updates but i finished this chapter sooner than i thought and . here it is . we got road trips , diners and some feelings . also, never thought i'd have to look into the los angeles lakers :o

Hyunwoo gets a text from Hoseok around four, telling him to come down to the parking lot. He checks over his apartment one last time; making sure the lights were off, ensuring the kitchen was in no danger of exploding and that everything was unplugged. Hyungwon had come by earlier that morning to pick up Makki, and Hyunwoo had nothing else to do besides lock the front door and leave.

He takes the elevator down to the ground floor, dragging his suitcase behind him as he steps outside. Fall was starting to give way to winter in the details, the trees shedding leaves of orange and red to reveal darker, bare branches. Hyunwoo glances around the parking lot until he sees Hoseok leaning against a decently sized car, shoulders bunched up to protect his ears from the cold. 

“Hard to believe you could fit inside that car,” Hyunwoo comments as he makes his way over. Hoseok rolls his eyes and says something that’s muffled by the scarf wrapped around his lower face, but he pops the trunk open and gestures for Hyunwoo to put his suitcase inside before disappearing to the driver’s side. Hyunwoo pushes his suitcase into place next to Hoseok’s before the closing the trunk door, taking shotgun.

Hoseok must’ve kept the engine running since the car is warm when he slides into the passenger seat, pulling off his jacket and tossing it into the backseat. He fiddles with the seatbelt before Hoseok turns to Hyunwoo and asks, “Do you want the aux cord?”

Hyunwoo nods. He plugs his phone in, switches to a playlist he hasn’t touched in months, and hits shuffle. Hyunwoo doesn’t immediately recognize the song that starts playing, not until Hoseok goes, “Oh! Isn’t this that artist?” as he backs out of the parking lot and onto the road towards the highway.

Hyunwoo bites back a laugh. “A little vague, Hoseok. That could be anyone.”

“You know who I’m talking about!” Hoseok pouts, drums his fingers against the steering wheel in thought. “Troye Sivan! That’s who I’m thinking about! It’s him, right? Isn’t this song called ‘Fools’?”

Hyunwoo almost says ‘yes’ with absolute confidence before doubt kicks in, forcing him to double check. He ends up being right anyways. “Yeah, it’s him,” he fiddles with the volume just to give his hands something to do. 

“I didn’t know you listened to him,” Hoseok says, and Hyunwoo turns so he’s looking out the window, watching the trees blur into one another as they picked up speed. 

“Just sometimes,” he replies. 

 

******

 

They spend the first hour working out their story once the silence becomes just shy of too unbearable. Hyunwoo’s surprised at how  _ easy _ they work together again, how seamlessly they could bounce ideas off of each other until they had a believable timeline to follow. 

The story goes like this; they reconciled a few weeks ago but didn’t break it to any of their friends or family since it was so new and neither wanted to jinx the relationship. Hoseok and Hyunwoo decided to go down to DC together to tell Hoseok’s mom as the first step into letting other people in their lives know they were back together. As an extra detail in case anyone asked, Hyunwoo was the one who reached out first and Hoseok was the one who  _ graciously _ accepted, because three years down the line they both were surprised to find they still loved each other.

“And when will we break up?” Hyunwoo asks, twirling the pen between his fingers. Everything had been jotted down for review later, just to ensure they were both on the same page.

Hoseok hums in thought for a long moment before saying, “How about a month from now? We can tell everyone it was a mutual break up, and we just couldn’t slot our lives together properly for a lasting relationship?”

“Sounds good,” Hyunwoo says, writing it down. He tosses the notepad into the backseat, listens to it hit the jackets with a soft  _ whump _ and whispers, “Kobe,” to himself. 

“Kobe sucks,” Hoseok immediately says and Hyunwoo mimes throwing the pen at him. Hoseok bursts into laughter, tries to move out of the pen’s trajectory without losing his grip on the steering wheel. “Don’t—I’m sorry, he doesn’t suck, he’s great.”

“You lived in Los Angeles, right? Shouldn’t you be supporting him since he played for the Lakers?”

Hoseok dares to takes his eyes off the road to shoot Hyunwoo an unimpressed look. Hyunwoo raises both his hands in surrender, tries to hold back his smile with a cough. He doesn’t mention the Lakers again. As if on cue, his playlist starts the next song, a ballad crooning through the speakers to keep the silence at bay.

“I’m just saying, it’s weird you’re not showing any Lakers support,” Hyunwoo says, and laughs at Hoseok’s dramatic groan.

 

******

 

Eventually, Hyunwoo gets tired of not remembering every single song that comes up in his playlist. He grabs his phone, searches up PREP and plays one of their first releases. “Do you remember this song?” He asks Hoseok, even if most of him doubts the other would.

“I do, actually,” Hoseok says. “They were the one band you introduced to me that I kept listening to.”

Hyunwoo tries his hardest to keep surprise out of his voice when he says, “I didn’t know that.” He probably falls short, since Hoseok glances away from the road to look at him, his lips just barely tilted up in a soft smile.

“Well, you always played them before we went to bed and I guess it just—I don’t know, I guess it became a habit to keep listening to them.”  

Hyunwoo finds he doesn’t know what to say to that. He turns his head away from the windshield view, looks out the passenger window instead and drums his fingers on his thigh. At some point, the GPS announces that they’ve entered Delaware. Hoseok chooses that moment to ask, “How’s Makki?”

Hyunwoo can’t help when he smiles at the mention of Makki. “She’s good,” he says, “she’s a lot bigger now compared to how she was when she was a kitten. A lot more mature too, she doesn’t play with half the toys you bought her.”

“Aw, really?” Hoseok’s shoulders shake with a soft chuckle, features fond. While Hyunwoo loves Makki, he couldn’t hold a candle to the adoration Hoseok had for their cat. Hyunwoo remembers how Hoseok had dragged him to the animal shelter, promising that they were just going to look. They ended up going home with Makki the next week, after Hoseok had begged Hyunwoo to reconsider keeping a cat in their apartment. Hyunwoo couldn’t find it in himself to regret opening up his apartment to a small cat, not after seeing how smitten Hoseok was.

“She sleeps in the shirt you left behind for her too,” Hyunwoo says. “Before she sleeps, she’ll give it a little kneading. It’s cute.”

“Do you have pictures?” Hoseok asks and Hyunwoo rolls his eyes playfully. 

“What kind of cat owner would I be if I didn’t take thousands of photos of Makki doing absolutely nothing?” He taps his phone against his thigh. “I’ll show you later, when we’re not on the road.”

Hoseok hums a thankful sound to that before he merges lanes.

 

******

 

“Are you hungry?” Hoseok asks. Their GPS had cheerfully announced they had just entered Maryland, and Hyunwoo’s legs were starting to feel the effect of sitting in the same position for three hours straight. He pats his stomach in thought, thinks back to earlier in the day when he had nothing but a stale bagel for breakfast and nods.

“Sure. We’ll pull over at the first diner we see?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Hoseok says, and keeps an eye out. They end up pulling over only a short moment later, driving off the highway and into the parking lot of a cozy looking diner named ‘Sweet’s Diner’. 

Hoseok barely manages to kill the engine before Hyunwoo hops out of the car, stretching until his joints pop and he feels like he’s wading through water. The cold wakes him up significantly, a drastic change from the stuffy warmth he had been sitting in for so long. He looks over to Hoseok, watches him struggle with his scarf until Hyunwoo feels bad enough that he walks around the car, taking the ends of the scarf from Hoseok’s hands and properly looping it around his neck. Hoseok smiles a big thank you, cheeks balling up in childlike gratitude.

They walk towards the building, Hyunwoo pushing the door open for Hoseok who immediately bolts for an open booth seat. He takes the seat opposite of Hoseok, stretching his legs out until they stop hurting every time he bends his knee.

Hoseok plucks the menu from the small rack, looking over the items with renewed interest. While he’s occupied, Hyunwoo checks his texts. He only has one from Hyungwon, which ends up being a video of Makki sitting on Hyungwon’s windowsill, admiring the view before aggressively batting a bottle of water. He restarts the video, turns his phone to Hoseok and reaches over to tap for his attention. “Hyungwon sent me this video of Makki,” he explains and Hoseok excitedly leans closer, eyes bright and loving.

“She’s so cute! Wow,” Hoseok breathes, “she’s grown a lot, huh?”

“It’s been three something years. She looks healthy, right?” Hyunwoo turns his phone back once Hoseok’s done watching, switching over to his camera roll so he can pull up the album he’s so creatively titled ‘Makki’, complete with the generic cat emoji next to a blue heart. “Here, just swipe. They’re all photos and videos of Makki.”

Just as Hoseok takes his phone, the waitress comes up to their table with a bright smile. “Are you guys ready to order?” She asks, batting her lashes in Hoseok’s direction. 

“Ah, yeah, I am!” Hoseok says before turning to Hyunwoo, pushing the menu closer to him. “What do you want, Hyunwoo?”

“I’ll take whatever you get.”

“Alright,” Hoseok turns back to the waitress, “can I have five cheeseburgers, a coffee and hot chocolate?”

She leans into Hoseok’s space, brown hair falling over her shoulder in pretty waves as she points to every item Hoseok listed on the menu. Hyunwoo’s chest constricts and he feels sharp claws digging into the space between his ribs. He clutches his phone a little tighter when she giggles at something Hoseok said that wasn’t even  _ funny _ .

“I’ll be right back with your order,” she says, tone sickening sweet as she rests a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok doesn’t seem to notice, only smiles politely and thanks her as she disappears to the kitchens. 

Hyunwoo chooses to say nothing, opts to flex his fingers to force the ugly feelings down. He has no right getting jealous, reminds himself he’s  _ over _ him, that there’s no need to be taking fake dating so seriously. Hoseok is looking at Hyunwoo with curious eyes, and Hyunwoo forces himself to take a subtle, deep breath. “Are you gonna look at those pictures of Makki or spend all day staring at me?” Hyunwoo teases, and Hoseok’s ears go pink as he grumbles to himself, looking down to the selection of pictures and videos. 

They end up talking about Makki as they wait for their food. She’s a safe topic for both of them, a reflection of their shared love with enough individual memories on her own that they don’t need to intrude on echoes from before. Hyunwoo had expected for both of them to be a little more cautious when talking about Makki, expected to toe around the lines more, but it’s like nothing has changed.

They’ve started to lean across the table, a slow, unnoticeable effort to get closer. Hoseok has stopped constantly turning Hyunwoo’s phone around to ask for stories, slipping into just swiping and letting Hyunwoo explain the story behind taking the photo or video. Hoseok swipes to a video of Makki sleeping on Hyungwon’s lap, and he glances over, eagerly waiting for Hyunwoo’s words. 

For the first time in three years, Hyunwoo feels unburdened. He realizes it’s easy being with Hoseok. Easy to slip into their conversations like there wasn’t a period where they forced themselves to forget each other, like Hyunwoo didn’t put the effort into trying to erase every trace Hoseok had left behind in his life. 

For the first time, Hyunwoo dares to let himself feel  _ happy _ .

“Here’s your order,” a voice suddenly interrupts, and both Hyunwoo and Hoseok pull back so the waitress can place their trays on the table. Hyunwoo’s eyes slide from Hoseok’s hands to her name tag, realizing it has ‘Jennifer’ written in loopy writing. Hyunwoo decides he doesn’t like how Jennifer looks at Hoseok. “You need anything else?” She says, and it’s like Hyunwoo isn’t even there. 

Hoseok just smiles and shakes his head, “We’re good, thank you!”

“You’ve ordered a  _ lot _ of burgers,” Jennifer says, and Hyunwoo resists the urge to roll his eyes at her attempts at flirting. “Feeding a one man army?”

“Uh, no,” Hoseok laughs sheepishly and separates the burgers into piles of twos and threes. He twists the tray so the end with three burgers and the coffee is facing Hyunwoo. “Most of these are for him.”

She glances at Hyunwoo once before focusing her attention back to Hoseok. “You should eat more,” she says. “It’ll do some good for you.”

“He already had a lot to eat earlier,” Hyunwoo interrupts. “Wouldn’t want him to throw up in the car now, would we?”

Hoseok’s eyes widen at Hyunwoo’s tone, and his lips twitch like he’s trying not to laugh. He bites into his burger to stifle his laugh and offers a nod, glancing to Jennifer like Hyunwoo was making a good point. She seems to get what Hyunwoo is hinting at though, since she leaves with another smile to Hoseok that he doesn’t see.

Hyunwoo starts going through his burgers and coffee quickly, hoping that if he focuses hard enough on eating he’ll forget the jealousy tinted tantrum act. He reasons that it’s probably just him being protective over Hoseok as a friend, since he knows all too well how clueless Hoseok can be sometimes. The Hyunwoo who was in love was still finding ways to cross over into present Hyunwoo, still finding ways to make sure Hoseok was safe. 

As soon as they clear off their food, Jennifer comes back. “Any dessert?” She asks, and Hyunwoo gives Hoseok a look, an imperceptible shake of his head and glance to the parking lot. He wants to go  _ now _ .

Hoseok, just because he can, smiles up to Jennifer and says, “We’ll take two strawberry milkshakes and an apple pie to go!”

Jennifer has a coquettish tilt to her lips as she writes down the order and Hyunwoo suddenly can’t stand it. A small voice in his head, adamant and covetous in tone, pushes him to move, to do  _ something _ so Jennifer can stop looking at Hoseok like he’s an oasis. 

Hyunwoo leans over the table, grabs Hoseok by the strings of his hoodie and presses a kiss to his lips. It’s quick and innocent but it gets the message across.

Jennifer chokes on an inhale before stammering something like, “I’ll be back with your order,” and retreating into the kitchens, lacking any of the sway she had put into her walk earlier. Hyunwoo leans back in his booth seat, arms crossed as he fights back the warmth burning the tips of his ears scarlet. Hoseok has his fingers to his lips, staring at Hyunwoo with something like disbelief. 

“What was that for?” Hoseok asks, and Hyunwoo hadn’t counted on Hoseok asking questions. 

“Just—it was just practice,” he says.

“Practice,” Hoseok repeats, and Hyunwoo nods, focuses on the crumbs on the table. “Okay.”

Jennifer comes back with their milkshakes and a boxed apple pie, but she doesn’t try to flirt with Hoseok anymore. Hyunwoo feels a dangerous mix of satisfaction and bitterness.

They both quietly sip at their drinks until they’re struggling with the dregs of it, and that’s when they both get up and pay for their meals, splitting the cost between the two of them. They walk back to the car, Hoseok hunched over to protect himself from the cold wind, Hyunwoo pacing himself to walk a little faster. He gets to the driver’s side and holds his hand out to Hoseok. “Pass me the keys,” he says. “I’ll drive.”

“It’s fine, I can still—” Hoseok starts, but Hyunwoo simply makes a grabbing motion with his hand and Hoseok has no choice but to relent, throwing him the keys. “I can still drive, you know.”

“You already took over three hours, just let me do the rest.”

As soon as they settle into their seats, Hoseok takes the opportunity to put the heater on as high as it’ll go. Hyunwoo gives him a disapproving look as he passes his phone over so Hoseok can pick the music. “We’re gonna roast in here,” he comments idly, and Hoseok shrugs.

“Better than freezing to death,” he replies with a smile before the soft beginnings of ‘Moonlight’ play through the speakers. 

 

******

 

Hyunwoo manages not to say anything for fifteen minutes before speaking up.

“I’m sorry for kissing you out of nowhere,” he says, “back in the diner.”

Hoseok shakes his head, says, “It’s fine, I was just a little surprised.” He takes a moment to look away from Hyunwoo’s phone to smile at him. “You’re taking the boyfriend role pretty seriously for someone who’s faking it.”

Hyunwoo shrugs, holds back a laugh with a playful roll of his eyes. “I’m rusty,” he replies. “Next time, I’ll ask you before doing anything.”

Hoseok’s smile turns fond around the edges. “Like before? With the signals?”

 

(By their fifth date together, Hoseok had gotten used to Hyunwoo always asking if it was okay to hold his hand, to put his arm around his shoulder, to kiss him. Hyunwoo knew Hoseok wasn’t  _ annoyed _ by it, but he figured that maybe he was just a little tired since his answer was always,  _ always _ ‘yes’. Hyunwoo couldn’t help but ask anyways, just in case Hoseok ever changed his mind. 

As they’re leaving the cinema, Hoseok says, “We should have a signal for whenever either of us wants to do something like holding hands or kissing. Something subtle, so no one else thinks twice about it, but significant enough for both of us.” 

“Should I caw?” Hyunwoo teases, “like, two caws for ‘can I kiss you?’ and one caw for ‘can I hold your hand?’”

That makes Hoseok laugh, doubling over and falling into Hyunwoo’s space. “Am I dating a man or a bird?”

“You might be dating a mix of both,” Hyunwoo says seriously.

Hoseok sighs dreamily, batting his eyelashes at Hyunwoo. “I’ve always wanted to date a bird boy.”

Hyunwoo bursts out laughing, gently shoving Hoseok away before taking his hand and pulling him back to his side. They fall back into step together, one after the other, before Hyunwoo gets an idea. 

“How about this,” he says, stopping on the empty sidewalk to take Hoseok’s hand in his. “I’ll tap the inside of your wrist twice to ask for a kiss. You can tap the back of my hand twice for yes, once for no.”

“What about things like hand holding and hugs?” Hoseok asks, experimentally tapping the inside of Hyunwoo’s wrist twice.

Hyunwoo gets the hint, smiles softly as leans in, cradling Hoseok’s jaw with one hand before kissing him underneath the streetlight, tasting salty caramel and starlight. “We’ll figure those out,” he replies.)

 

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo says, and his grip tightens around the steering wheel by a fraction. “Like I did before.”

 

**

 

Hoseok falls asleep shortly after, curled up in his seat with his jacket laid over his lap. He wakes up once to sleepily offer to drive, but Hyunwoo declines, tells Hoseok to keep sleeping and trust Hyunwoo to handle the rest of the drive. 

They had finally crossed into DC a few miles back, and the distance to Hoseok’s house kept decreasing and decreasing on the GPS. The highway starts giving way to more local roads, and businesses and  _ life _ start cropping up on either side of the car. Hyunwoo drives until he takes a turn into a suburban neighbourhood, lined with two storey houses and impeccable lawns.

Hoseok wakes up with a yawn, blinking sleepily until recognition sets into his features. “Oh, turn here!” He calls out suddenly, and Hyunwoo maneuvers the car into a driveway coming out the side of the house. He kills the engine, and they both clamber out. 

The lights on the porch switch on and the front door opens. Hoseok’s mother steps out and turns towards the driveway, her features lighting up when she sees Hoseok. Hyunwoo busies himself with the trunk of the car, pulling their luggage out and hauling it towards the front door just as Hoseok and his mom pull apart from a hug. 

“Oh, Hoseok—isn’t this…?” She trails off as soon as she sees Hyunwoo, who respectfully bows his head in greeting. Hoseok smiles at his mom, and Hyunwoo knows this is the equivalent of cameras rolling.

“I’ll explain inside,” Hoseok says as he leads her back into the house, Hyunwoo following along with the suitcases.

They all end up seated in the living room; Hyunwoo and Hoseok take up space on the sofa while Hoseok’s mother is on her own on the armchair opposite. She looks expectantly between the two of them, scrutinizing their close proximity with a mother’s eye. Hyunwoo feels Hoseok take a deep breath beside him, and nudges him gently for encouragement.

“Hyunwoo and I are dating again,” Hoseok says. “We actually got back together a few weeks ago but we didn’t want to tell anyone yet—didn’t want to jinx something so new.”

“We wanted you to be the first to know,” Hyunwoo adds, and there’s a break after their words where a tense silence follows. Hoseok reaches out for Hyunwoo’s hands, tangles his fingers with his own and Hyunwoo can hear the  _ thump-thump _ of his heart as he waits for the lie to crash and burn. 

Then, Hoseok’s mother smiles so brilliantly, covers her mouth with her hands as she stands up to pull Hoseok and Hyunwoo into a tight hug. 

“I am  _ so _ happy for both of you,” she says. “I’ve  _ always _ felt that you two were meant to be and to see you both back together—I am so, so happy you both found your happiness in each other again.”

She pulls away and Hyunwoo notices her eyes are shiny. He hates how much it hurts to lie to someone who believes so deeply in love. 

“I’m just grateful he gave me a second chance,” Hyunwoo says, taking Hoseok’s hand in his. 

The novelty of the announcement wears off for the night and Hoseok’s mom asks if they want dinner, but they both end up respectfully declining. Hyunwoo explains that he could still feel the diner burgers sitting in his stomach alongside the milkshakes, and Hoseok’s mom shakes her head in disapproval as she goes to the kitchen, intent on making something that’ll help to settle their stomachs.

“You shouldn’t be eating all of that,” she tells him, “it’s not good for you. Tomorrow, I’ll make you something better, okay?”

Hyunwoo smiles and nods because somehow, every important person in his life all tended to be strong and stubborn, so set in their ways that it was impossible to win any arguments against them. Hoseok pokes his head into the kitchen, pointing to the suitcases in the living room.

“I’m gonna take these to the guest bedroom,” he says.

“What? No squeezing together on your childhood bed?” Hyunwoo jokes, but backpedals when he realizes that Hoseok’s mom is standing  _ right there _ . An apology sits on his tongue before it gets buried with Hoseok rolling his eyes.

“One adult can barely fit on that bed,” Hoseok retorts, “two is just asking for someone to wake up injured.” He disappears and takes the clunking sounds of luggage with him to the guest bedroom, leaving Hoseok’s mom and Hyunwoo in the kitchen. Hyunwoo turns his attention to the dishes even though there’s only a spoon in the sink.

“I’m really grateful you reached out,” Hoseok’s mother says, and it’s how out of nowhere it is that Hyunwoo almost drops the spoon he had been absently scrubbing, glancing over his shoulder to where she was stirring mugs of green tea for him and Hoseok. “After you both broke up three years ago, Hoseok hasn’t been the same.”

“He was still kind and sweet to everyone, but it felt like he was holding something back, like there were things he wanted to tell me but couldn’t. It was such a deep sadness, and no matter what I did I couldn’t reach him.” She sighs before holding out one of the mugs to Hyunwoo with a soft smile. “Careful, it’s hot.”

Hyunwoo holds the handle of the mug, feeling the warmth from the hot tea touch his fingers. He realizes, slowly, that his decision three years ago was rooted within more people than he had thought. It wasn’t just a Hyunwoo-and-Hoseok thing, wasn’t just something so isolated to their relationship that any decision he made could come into being without affecting others. He realizes, slowly, that he had hurt Hoseok’s mother too. 

“I’m so sorry that I did that to him,” he murmurs, looking down into his tea before he meets her eyes. Just for one moment, he wants to be sincere. “I’m sorry I put you both through that.”

Hoseok’s mother shakes her head, and the look she gives Hyunwoo is so warm and forgiving that it’s easy for him to forget he’s here for deceit, not forgiveness. Her arms stretch out as she carefully gives Hyunwoo a hug, mindful of what he was holding. As best as he can, Hyunwoo pats her back, lips pulled into a smile when she pulls away. “It’s alright now,” she tells him and wipes away her own tears. “He’s different now. Happier. He’s always been so happy with you.”

She gestures for Hyunwoo to leave the kitchen first, saying something about how she needs to make herself another cup of tea. Hyunwoo takes the other mug of green tea and thanks her again before leaving to find the guest bedroom.

He ends up bumping into Hoseok on his way out. The younger carries such a guilty expression, lips pressed into a line and eyes downcast. His body is slouched over, arms crossed across his stomach and the way he looks at Hyunwoo tells him that he had heard most of the conversation, if not all of it, and unspoken apologies fills his eyes. 

Hyunwoo shakes his head and murmurs, “Don’t worry about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title for this chapter comes from shawn mendes' "fallin' all in you!"
> 
> i really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter uwu !! comments nd kudos are Très Appreciated !!!


	3. iii. too good to be true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things go right, and then they go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long with this chapter :( !!! i had an unexpectedly busy week and couldn't find time to sit down and write, but here's chapter three!

It’s long past midnight when Hyunwoo drags his feet into the guest bedroom and throws himself onto the bed. The fear that had worked itself into his muscles soon melts into something easier to manage, leaving him boneless and exhausted. As far as Hyunwoo is concerned, their lie was safe in here.

Hyunwoo doesn’t notice Hoseok until the younger clears his throat from his side of the bed. He turns his head to look at him.

“My mom give you a hard time?” Hoseok asks.

Hyunwoo makes a little noise. “Not really,” he says. “She had a lot of stories to share. Didn’t wanna be rude and leave.”

Hoseok nods and looks back to the phone in his hand. Hyunwoo shifts so he can pull the blanket over his stomach, staring up towards the ceiling. He doesn’t really know what to say next. 

“I’m sorry she said all that to you,” Hoseok says quietly after a long moment. Hyunwoo looks over to him, catches the apologetic look on his features (worrying his bottom lip; eyes downcast; hands occupying themselves with his phone). “The stuff about—well, me. I would’ve told her not to mention it if I knew she was going to tell you that.”

“It’s fine,” Hyunwoo says. He doesn’t mean to pry any further than that, but then he asks, “Is it true?”

Hoseok looks away too fast for it to be normal. His apologetic demeanor shifts, turns into nervous energy in his hands and the shake of his leg. He shrugs.

“No,” he says. “I was okay.”

But Hyunwoo knows Hoseok better than that, even if he laid to rest every memory of him. He knows Hoseok like the back of his hand, whether he likes it or not. Hyunwoo sits up and moves across the bed until he’s sitting in front of Hoseok.

“Hey, come on,” he says, hand reaching out involuntarily to pat Hoseok’s knee before he notices and draws it back.  Hoseok raises his eyes to meet his. “You don’t have to protect my feelings.”

Hyunwoo can see the struggle behind Hoseok’s eyes, the way he turns every option over in his hands to weigh their pros and cons. He hesitates for a long time, lets time stretch out between them before he sighs and nods, relenting. He lowers his eyes again as he says, “My mom only gave you the abridged version of how I was after the—” he stumbles over the next word, and Hyunwoo feels like Hoseok is treading lightly to avoid bringing up painful memories. “After I left for LA. It hurt without you, and I wasn’t in the  _ best _ place, but I forced myself to manage. I had to.” Hoseok shoots a wry smile to Hyunwoo. “I’m okay now, though.”

Hyunwoo regrets asking. The reality of how Hoseok felt after their breakup is unsettling, a stark contrast to what Hyunwoo forced himself to believe. Hoseok was supposed to be happy after their breakup; he was supposed to thrive and be successful without Hyunwoo dragging him down. He wasn’t supposed to be  _ sad _ , or to be shaken up for months. He wasn’t supposed to stay hurt. Hyunwoo clenches the fabric of his pants, his chest tight in a way he couldn’t ease.

“I didn’t know,” he ends up saying, voice soft. It sounds right on his tongue; a little more bitter than an apology but sweeter than if he didn’t acknowledge it at all. 

Hoseok’s smile tenses around the edges. “It’s okay.”

The conversation dries up there. Hyunwoo’s head was too busy reflecting even if he didn’t want it too, and he ends up saying, “Let’s just go sleep. It’s been a long day for both of us.” 

“Okay,” Hoseok says, before he points to the floor. “I can sleep there? You can have the bed if it’ll be awkward.” 

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes at him.

“It’ll only be awkward if we make it awkward,” he says and points to the pile of pillows at the head of the bed. “Just stay. We can stack some pillows between us if you’re _ that _ worried you’ll wake up clinging to me or something.”

That gets him a real laugh from Hoseok, a high pitched burst of sound that brings along a dazzling grin. “And you said my floor idea was stupid,” he says. 

“It is,” Hyunwoo retorts, rolling his eyes as he wiggles underneath the covers. There’s an ocean between them, a distance that leaps and bounds couldn’t cover. It does feel awkward, but Hyunwoo doesn’t want Hoseok to end up with a sore back. He turns over so he doesn’t have to face Hoseok, staring at the wall and trying to ignore the tiny voice in the back of his head that hasn’t stopped berating him since he accepted Hoseok’s deal in the first place.

**

Hyunwoo blinks his eyes open, squinting against the weak fall sunlight streaming into the bedroom. His phone tells him it’s almost two in the afternoon, and he stretches carefully before rolling out of bed, trying not to wake Hoseok.

The rest of the house is still, unmoving like it was holding its’ breath. Hyunwoo goes through his morning routine once he finds the bathroom after opening a few doors, and makes his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. The amount of space is already double the size of his own kitchen back in New York, and Hyunwoo immediately gets to work with making himself familiar with the layout.

He makes a simple meal for three with what he can find. Cooking takes him longer than usual because he’s so careful, cringing every time the pan met the counter a little too loudly for his comfort. Eventually, Hoseok finds Hyunwoo struggling with three plates of grilled cheese and easily takes a plate off him, smiling sleepily as they move to the dining table.

“Where’s your mom?” Hyunwoo asks as he settles down into a chair, biting into the corner of his sandwich.

“She went to a book club meeting with some church friends,” Hoseok replies.

“That’s very suburban of her,” Hyunwoo says with an easy smile. “Do you want the extra sandwich I made, then?”

Hoseok shakes his head and pushes the plate towards Hyunwoo, who happily eats it. They finish off eating together, quiet in each other’s company. 

As soon as Hyunwoo clears his plate, Hoseok asks, “Do you want to go into the city?”

“Sure,” Hyunwoo says. He agrees easily, just because he has nothing to do in a house that isn’t his. It brings a smile to Hoseok’s face though, who sits up a little straighter. 

“We’ll have to take the bus though.”

Hyunwoo groans, dropping his head to the table. His forehead hits polished wood with a soft thud.

**

A bus ride later finds Hyunwoo and Hoseok wandering through the streets of the city. The grey skies do nothing to dampen Hoseok’s spirits, who eagerly leads Hyunwoo through crowds of people. His fingers are cold around Hyunwoo’s wrist (a precaution, Hoseok had said earlier with a grin) but he hasn’t made a move to shake him off. 

They move deeper into the city, where the wind feels a little more biting against exposed skin and the buildings loom over open streets, casting long shadows on the pavement. Hoseok eventually stops and sneezes, rubbing his hands together to complain about the cold.

“Take this,” Hyunwoo says, unwrapping the scarf around his neck to loop it around Hoseok’s shoulders. “You’ll get sick if you don’t look after yourself.”

Hoseok meets Hyunwoo’s eyes with a questioning look, lips barely peeking over the soft scarf. Hyunwoo takes a step back and puts his hands into his pocket, suppressing a shiver at the cold air tickling his neck. 

“Winter was always difficult for you,” Hyunwoo says. “I’m not gonna stand here and let you freeze over.”

Hoseok’s eyes go soft around the edges as he bumps his shoulder into Hyunwoo’s. “Thank you,” he says and Hyunwoo shrugs it off.

“We still have a couple days left with your mom, I don’t want you to spend it sick.”

When the cold becomes a shade too unbearable, they end up slipping into the warm comfort of a coffee shop, tucked in between two imposing chain restaurants. It’s quieter in here, the soft background noise Hyunwoo’s associated with coffee shops highlighted more now that the bustle of the street was dimmed. Hoseok nudges him to go save them a table, and Hyunwoo moves around the open space until he finds a spot for two hidden behind a half-wall structure. He drops his coat on a chair before moving towards the counter again, finding a place next to Hoseok. 

“Saved us some seats,” he says. 

Hoseok murmurs a thanks, but he’s clearly distracted by the menu before him. “Do you want anything?”

“I’ll just take hot chocolate,” Hyunwoo says, pointing towards the little printed photo of a picturesque cup of cocoa. “A matcha cake, too.”

Hoseok parrots back the order to the barista, adding another hot chocolate for himself. Hyunwoo watches Hoseok drum his fingers on the counter until they’re handed a tray with their orders. A moment later, they’re seated at the table Hyunwoo had saved earlier, sipping at drinks that seep warmth back into cold fingers.

They never get to see the sun dip beneath the city, not when glass towers easily blanket such a small coffee shop, but Hyunwoo finds he doesn’t mind watching the sky go from frosty gray to pale pink with Hoseok.

And the realization of it—that he’s already growing comfortable next to someone he should’ve left behind, that he’s slipping into a routine he shouldn’t have touched in the first place—feels more numbing than the stinging cold outside. 

They finish off their drinks in silence. Hyunwoo carefully masks the storm brewing within him, throws it under lock and key so no one has to look or even know it exists. Hyunwoo has never been good with his feelings, not if they were all tangled and knotted with no way to tell where the beginning or end started. It was just a fact of life, like how water was wet and how Hoseok was supposed to be a ghost from a time Hyunwoo only thought about when he was really, really drunk. 

But here he was, sipping at hot chocolates in a coffee shop with Hoseok, miles and miles away from his cat and his apartment in New York.

He’s thinking too much. He knows it, so he ends up splitting his matcha cake with Hoseok. Watching Hoseok’s face go from longing to childlike glee was easier to deal with than the argument between his head and his heart.

They leave the coffee shop shortly after, bracing themselves against the weather. Hoseok leads them both towards the bus stop, weaving through big streets and small sidewalks until they round the corner just as the bus slows to a stop. Hoseok reaches for Hyunwoo’s hand, slotting his fingers between Hyunwoo’s own before breaking into a sprint towards the doors. 

Hyunwoo lets out a startled yell, stumbling over his feet before he rights himself in an effort to keep up to Hoseok’s pace. They pile into the bus just as the doors shut behind them, chests heaving as they pay the fare.

“Seats at the back are open,” Hyunwoo says, a little winded, before gently tugging Hoseok’s hand to get his attention. He leads them towards the back of the bus, unable to miss the warmth of Hoseok’s hand in his own.

Hyunwoo ends up keeping his hand in Hoseok’s for the rest of the way back home.

**

They hurry up the driveway towards Hoseok’s house, stepping into the warm foyer. Hyunwoo almost bumps into Hoseok’s mom, steering clear at the last second and checking his hip against a decorative table. He grabs the decorative vase before it can fall to the ground, sheepishly putting it back.

“Where did you both go today?” Hoseok’s mom asks as she wraps a scarf around her neck, clearly about to leave the house again. 

Hyunwoo feels Hoseok freeze up by his side and hurriedly says, “We went out on a date, explored the city together.”

Like Hoseok, his mother wore her heart on her sleeve. It’s impossible to miss the way her eyes light up at the mention of the two spending the day together. “That’s nice,” she says slowly, carefully, like she’s holding the rest of her excitement at bay. “Did Hoseok dress warmly enough?”

“Hyunwoo gave me his scarf,” Hoseok says with a pout, plucking at the fabric still around his neck. “Scolded me about the same thing.”

“You never dress warmly enough, that’s why,” Hyunwoo counters.

Hoseok’s mom makes a noise of agreement. “Always so stubborn. It’s good to know at least someone else looks out for you.”

Hyunwoo shrugs off his jacket once the warmth becomes a little too stifling, holding it in his arms as Hoseok does the same. Hoseok’s mom slips on a pair of shoes, and Hoseok asks, “Where are you going, by the way?”

“Do you remember Jooheon?” From the way Hoseok lights up and nods, Hyunwoo guesses that they must’ve been friends, or at least friendly enough for Hoseok to look so happy. “His family invited a few people over for dinner! I’ll be gone for a few hours, the house is all yours.” And the way she smiles, knowing with a mother’s instinct, has Hyunwoo’s cheeks going pink even though he knows he and Hoseok are keeping up a ruse. 

Hoseok must’ve picked up on her words too, since he stammers out a “We’re not gonna do anything!” that his mother laughs to.

“Well, no matter what you both end up doing, stay safe!” She’s out of the door a moment later, letting the click of the lock echo around the house. Hyunwoo tries to will his cheeks to cool down a little, unable to find it in himself to look over at Hoseok

“So,” Hoseok starts cautiously. Hyunwoo manages to look in his direction, but his eyes stray to a random spot on the wall. “Should we watch a movie?”

“Sure,” Hyunwoo says, before he gets an idea to break the tension. “First one there gets to pick the movie.” He throws his jacket into Hoseok’s face, making a break for the living room. 

Hoseok fumbles with the jacket in his face, pulling it off just in time to call Hyunwoo a cheater. He’s too late though, since Hyunwoo has already vaulted himself over the sofa to grab the remote. He takes his time with going through the various choices on Netflix, grinning up at Hoseok once he drops himself into the open space next to Hyunwoo.

“You’re sleeping on the floor tonight,” Hoseok says as he throws Hyunwoo’s jacket back into his face.

Hyunwoo fakes a hurt expression, a hand over his heart. “After I gave you half of my cake?”

“ _ Especially _ after you gave me half of the cake.”

Hyunwoo laughs, nudges Hoseok’s shoulder with his own before he settles on a horror movie they both had watched before. Beside him, Hoseok stiffens and shrinks back into the sofa.

“You okay?” Hyunwoo asks. Hoseok smiles at him, but it’s too tight around the edges, strained and worried.

“I’m fine,” Hoseok says, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Just—been awhile since I watched something scary.”

Hyunwoo pauses, taking in all the minute expressions laid out before him before saying, “Let’s watch something else.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Close your eyes and tell me when to stop.”

Hoseok huffs a laugh, eyes closing immediately. Hyunwoo strays towards the family-friendly genre, scrolling until Hoseok says, “Stop!” and opens his eyes to see the choice.

“Huh,” Hyunwoo says. “Indiana Jones.”

“I haven’t watched this in a while,” Hoseok says. 

“Well, guess we’re watching it now.” Hyunwoo opens up the movie and places the remote on the floor, settling against the sofa. 

**

It’s the warmth that gives it away first. 

Halfway through the movie, Hyunwoo becomes aware of Hoseok’s weight against him, his head resting on his shoulder and his side leaning against Hyunwoo’s own. He makes the mistake of suddenly moving too much, because Hoseok pulls away with a soft apology.

“No—don’t. I was trying to move so you’d be more comfortable,” Hyunwoo says, hands fumbling to pull at Hoseok’s sleeve in an attempt to get him to come back. Hyunwoo turns to look towards him, just as his breath catches in his throat.

Hoseok’s eyes are wide, all soft around the edges and brimming with curiosity and optimism. He’s also very close, because Hyunwoo can see the way his lashes fan across his round cheeks and cast subtle shadows under the lighting. This close, Hyunwoo could map out every detail of Hoseok even if he still knows them all by heart. He dares to glance down to Hoseok’s lips, spotting the tiny mole on his upper lip and the healed over scar from a piercing he had when he was younger.

And suddenly, he can’t hear anything except for the steady thumping of his own heart in his ears. He feels Hoseok touch his knee, tentatively like he was seeking permission. He watches Hoseok’s eyes lower to Hyunwoo’s own lips and his stomach falls, taking reason with him. 

Hoseok leans forward and it would’ve been almost imperceptible if Hyunwoo wasn’t trying to meet him in the middle.

Something crashes in the background, and Hyunwoo whips his head around to look for the noise. The spell between them breaks as Hyunwoo realizes it was only the movie. Hyunwoo leans away from Hoseok, clears his throat as he burns a hole into the carpet. His head is bouncing around the same memory, overwhelming and so damn repetitive.

He almost kissed Hoseok.

“I’m—I’m going to the bathroom. Keep watching the movie,” Hyunwoo stumbles to his feet, shoulders tight as he leaves the living room.

The bathroom door locks with a click behind him as he leans over the sink. Hyunwoo forces himself to breathe slowly, finding an anchor in the digging pressure underneath his hands. He breathes until his head is clear, and for extra measure he splashes his face with water.

Hyunwoo is falling in too deep.

He needs to remember it’s  _ fake _ , a fucking script they’re both committing to so Hoseok’s mom doesn’t have to worry about him. They’re not dating, they’re not anything except for two exes who got roped into a fun little scheme. There’s no reason for him to kiss Hoseok in places where there’s no one to fool, or to let himself hold Hoseok’s hand in an empty bus.

He has no right to all of Hoseok, not like this. 

His heart is hammering in his chest again, like a little hummingbird in a cage it doesn’t belong in. He can’t get Hoseok out of his head, can’t wrestle down that almost kiss into another box he can lock away and forget about. He feels too  _ overwhelmed _ . 

Hyunwoo falls to his knees, still clutching the sink for support. The porcelain is cool against his forehead, holding itself down as something he can grab onto to wait out the rising waters. He still feels like the world is sharp around the edges, all vivid colors and the sweet, familiar smell of Hoseok.

Hyunwoo sucks in a deep breath, a poor attempt to keep irritation at bay. He’s feeling too much for someone who had always claimed to be so level-headed and logical. He’s overthinking on the agreement they had made, and he’s taking too much and blurring the lines between fake and real. 

Everything, Hyunwoo thinks, is too much.

A knock on the door takes him out of his thoughts, before Hoseok’s concerned voice asks, “Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.”

“I’m fine,” Hyunwoo says. He’s not fine. He’s the farthest thing from  _ fine _ there is. “Just—give me a second.”

He stands up, takes another deep breath before he unlocks the door and tugs it open.

He watches Hoseok take a step back, worried eyes trained on him. He can hear the movie playing in the background, but it’s dull, quiet. Like it’s not really there. Hyunwoo’s starting to feel annoyed again just looking at Hoseok’s face because it’s so full of concern for someone he shouldn’t even be worried about.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” Hyunwoo says stiffly before pushing past Hoseok. He hears the aborted sound Hoseok makes at his disappearance but chooses to ignore it, climbing up the stairs and pushing the door to the guest bedroom open.

He shakily changes into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt before collapsing into bed. After a moment debating with himself, he ends up stacking several pillows between his side and Hoseok’s side, burrowing further beneath the blankets like he didn’t just spectacularly mess things up again.

Sleep doesn’t come easy to him—it doesn’t come to him at all, not when he’s so tense and wound up. He takes his phone and texts Hyungwon in a bid to get pictures of Makki. Five minutes crawl into ten minutes and Hyunwoo eventually gives up and leaves his phone on the nightstand. 

He doesn’t know how long he lays in the dark, staring at the outline of his pillow. Eventually, the room fills with light again as Hoseok steps in. He watches Hoseok’s shadow linger around the bed before the door shuts behind him, taking the light with it. The bed dips with newly added weight and Hyunwoo pretends to be asleep, eyes shut as he draws in steady breaths. He keeps up the charade until Hoseok’s own breaths even out.

Then it’s just Hyunwoo in a house that isn’t his, lying next to someone he shouldn’t want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title for this chapter comes from fall out boy's "last of the real ones" !
> 
> as always, thank you so much for reading! kudos nd comments are very much appreciated nd rly motivate me 2 keep writing uwu ! (also, thank u sooo much for the reception on the past two chapters!!! even if i haven't replied, i've read every single comment nd it rly rly warms my heart that people enjoy this fic so far :D!!!! it makes me supes happy that this lil baby of mine is being enjoyed by others)


	4. iv. there aren't many flowers that bloom along this road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's something about love that leans towards the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! long time no see sjhjgs !!! i struggled a lot with this chapter and went Way Off The Outline ..... i'm not sure if i'm still Entirely satisfied with it, but i feel like that's mostly bc it's just ? Vastly different from what i originally planned ... anyways, i hope u guys enjoy this chapter nonetheless!

Hyunwoo forces himself to wake up early. It’s not easy; he’s not someone who likes to wake up before nine in the morning, but he owes it to himself—to Hoseok. He throws on a windbreaker and tiptoes out of the bedroom, past Hoseok’s sleeping form until he’s outside and breathing in crisp air that’s too sharp against the softness of his lungs. It’s still dark outside, and there’s nobody around except for overzealous dog walkers and joggers.

Hyunwoo stretches, and then he runs.

He doesn’t know where he’s going, pays attention to nothing except the pounding of his feet against the sidewalk and the music playing through his earphones. Every inhale is a burning sensation that he uses to push clarity to his mind, to melt away the irritation of the night before. 

By the time Hyunwoo reaches a small cafe, he’s decided several things.

One: He  _ will _ do his best for his part of the fake relationship. It’s what Hoseok deserves.

Two: He’ll keep Hoseok at a distance so he doesn’t fall back in love any further than he already has. He’s already hurt Hoseok once with his own feelings, and he’s not going to do it again.

Three: He has a confirmed out, so if Hyunwoo indulges a little, if he takes and gives a small amount to keep his feelings sated but not enough so they’re both invested in something they can’t have—it’s okay. Indulging will only hurt Hyunwoo, and he’s surprisingly fine with the idea of heartbreak if it means Hoseok will be okay.

He feels better knowing his head and his heart are back on the same page. 

Hyunwoo ends up going into the cafe and buying three cinnamon rolls to take home. The walk back is long, and Hyunwoo can feel the heat of the cinnamon rolls dissipate into the frosty air. By the time he jogs up the steps of the porch and slips through the front door, the cinnamon rolls are cold.

Hoseok is already awake, huddled on the couch and wrapped up in a blanket. Hyunwoo averts his eyes when he sees the relieved expression on Hoseok’s face, walking up to him and holding out the bag of baked goods. It’s a wordless conversation between them. Hoseok takes the bag with a small, sleepy smile before he disappears to the kitchen to warm them up. The familiarity is nice, settling around his heart comfortably, and Hyunwoo squishes the feeling down before he gets too caught up in it.

He’s promised himself he would keep Hoseok at a distance if he was going to give this fake relationship his all.

While Hoseok is occupied, Hyunwoo goes to shower off the morning jog. He turns the water to the hottest setting he can withstand, scrubbing his skin pink for no reason other than to distract his own thoughts. It works, in a way, because he can’t think of Hoseok when he’s too busy concentrating on the sting across his skin. He stays in the shower until he gets so lightheaded he worries about falling over, and then he stays some more. 

Eventually, he shuts off the water and steps out, wrapping a towel around his waist. His reflection is hazy around the details in the mirror, and Hyunwoo wipes a hand across the surface, taking in his appearance. He looks new, he thinks, but he still feels the same. Still feels like he’s toeing the line between diving off the edge into the unknown and keeping to the familiar.

He doesn’t really know what to do with that knowledge.

Hyunwoo changes into something comfortable before crawling into bed, pulling the blanket up to his chin and scrolling through his phone. Hyungwon had sent him three pictures of Makki before going ghost and he saves each one with a small smile, zooming in on the tuna all over her whiskers with a huff of a laugh.

He hears the door creak open and sits up, holding back the surprise that it’s Hoseok who’s edging his way inside. He’s holding a plate with a cinnamon roll on it, and Hoseok glances away as he slowly puts it on the nightstand, like Hyunwoo was an animal he didn’t want to spook. He opens his mouth once, twice, one more time before closing it. He’s restless on his feet, like he wants to say something.

“Sorry for—” Hyunwoo gestures aimlessly, “—last night.”

Hoseok smiles, but it doesn’t even reach his eyes. He looks down to his hands. “No, it’s okay. I should’ve given you some space.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t know how to respond to that. He can’t exactly tell Hoseok to make himself available for Hyunwoo to pull close and then push away as he pleases. It doesn’t feel right to agree either, so he shakes his head and says, “Did you finish the movie?”

“I did,” Hoseok says. “It was okay.”

“Next time I’ll stick around,” Hyunwoo says with a small smile, just enough to soothe the frazzled air between them. He’s left to wonder if it works though, since Hoseok leaves without another word.

**

Later that afternoon finds Hyunwoo in the laundry room, throwing his shirts into the washing machine when Hoseok’s mom knocks on the door. 

“Can I come in?” She asks.

Hyunwoo nods and gestures for her to step inside. He drops a shirt over his laundry basket and tries desperately not to look like he was upset over being on uneven ground with Hoseok. “It’s your house,” he says. “I’m just in it.”

The comment makes her smile before she says, “I’m going to give you my reservation for a nice restaurant in the city tonight.“

“What?” Hyunwoo shakes his head, hands moving to insist she keep it. “You shouldn’t—I can just take Hoseok somewhere else, I know him. You don’t have to give up your reservation for us.”

“I  _ know _ you know him, Hyunwoo. I know you’ll take him somewhere nice, which is exactly why I want to give this reservation to you.” She smiles. “Take him somewhere classy, dress up a little! Just tell them my name and they’ll show you right in.” She pats Hyunwoo’s shoulder with a laugh, turning to leave before saying, “They’ll be expecting you at eight, so make sure to show up.”

She’s gone in a whirlwind of motion and Hyunwoo doesn’t feel anymore happier than he was before she came in.

**

He finds Hoseok in his childhood bedroom. The door was left wide open, so he leans against the frame, watching Hoseok pluck at a guitar. It’s a nice image, Hoseok sitting cross-legged on the floor, illuminated by the late rays of sunlight.

Hyunwoo listens, watches Hoseok’s finger touch the strings and bring forth notes that gather together into a song he recognizes. It’s a little fuller in sound now, more complete than it was years ago when Hoseok had first shown it to him. Hyunwoo’s only surprised that Hoseok still chose to work on it at all.

 

(Summer is painstakingly hot. Hyunwoo and Hoseok sit together on the only bed in their tiny apartment, windows wide open in an attempt to encourage any breeze to come through and cool them down. The air conditioning had died with a clunk and a sputter earlier in the day and when Hyunwoo had gone to the landlord to get a repairman to fix it, he ended up having to soothe her blubbers and apologies because the repairman was busy until the end of the week and everyone else in the building was experiencing broken air conditioners too.

Hyunwoo’s long since pulled off his shirt, lounging on their bed in grey sweatpants as he fans a breeze toward himself with a magazine. Beside him, Hoseok gives his laptop a long, concentrating look, headphones sitting lopsided on his head. Hyunwoo knows he’s working on a song just by the way he sits with his shoulders hunched, lips pushed out into a pout as he sifts through melodies and harmonies that Hyunwoo can’t hear.

Hyunwoo doesn’t realize he’s dozed off until Hoseok smacks his leg. “What?” He asks drowsily, propping himself up on his elbows. Hoseok has his laptop turned towards him, the plug to his headphones pulled out as his fingers hover over the spacebar.

“Hear my song?” He asks, and Hyunwoo sits up properly, reaches over Hoseok’s fingers and presses play.

It’s a light, soft tune that hums out of the speakers, and Hyunwoo thinks it’s beautiful. Hyunwoo feels like the notes are hanging in the air, shimmering softly before fading. The song plays undisturbed, Hyunwoo hanging onto every note until it peters out. Hoseok fixes Hyunwoo with a worried glance.

“What do you think? It’s for my assignment.” He fiddles with the cable and Hyunwoo smiles, wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s middle to drag him close. He presses a soft kiss to his neck, resting his chin on his shoulder as he plays the song again.

“It’s the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard,” he murmurs and he feels Hoseok laugh against him.

“Good,” Hoseok says. “I wrote it thinking of you.”)

 

Hyunwoo knocks on the door gently, getting Hoseok’s attention with a soft ‘hey’. He looks up at the sound and something in his face shifts—like he’s putting a guard up, and Hyunwoo’s heart tugs a little too painfully at the change. He clears his throat and finds a steady place in the space between them.

“I’m sorry,” he starts. “I took things out on you last night when I shouldn’t have, and I get it if you’re still mad at me. I just wanted to—” Hyunwoo shuffles closer until he’s near Hoseok’s bed, pleading permission to sit down. It’s granted with a tiny nod. “—I wanted to apologize, sincerely, because I hurt you and I want to properly take responsibility for it instead of ignoring it and hoping it’ll work out.”

Hoseok’s shoulder relax a little, his eyes softening as he says, “I’m not mad at you, Hyunwoo. I was just a little…” he trails off, eyebrows pulled together in a thoughtful expression before he says, “upset. If you’re going through things, you know you can talk to me about it, right?” Hoseok sets aside the guitar, scooting closer to Hyunwoo. “I’m pretty sure it’s safe for me to consider you a friend, and friends look out for each other.”

“Friends, huh?” Hyunwoo’s lips quirk up in a small, sheepish smile. “Can I still make it up to you though? I only need a couple hours of your time.”

Hoseok immediately looks suspicious. “What are you thinking of?”

“Dinner tonight? Down at a nice, formal restaurant.”

“My mom put you up to this, didn’t she?” Hoseok says, and Hyunwoo can’t help when his eyes widen like he’s been caught in the headlights. He didn’t expect Hoseok to catch on at all. "Thought so."

"I couldn't—I can't just say  _ no _ to her, Hoseok. You should've seen her." He huffs. "She wouldn't take no for an answer, like someone else I know."

"I wonder who that could be," Hoseok says with a laugh. The air feels a little more breathable, a little lighter, and Hyunwoo can't help the bubble of hopeful optimism that comes rising from his chest. "I'll take you up on dinner, since you asked so nicely."

"Thank God," Hyunwoo says, leaning back on his hands. He returns Hoseok's smile, a little chuckle slipping past his lips as he shakes his head. "So, fancy restaurant. They're expecting us at eight."

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” Hoseok asks. “We don’t  _ have _ to go if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Hyunwoo shrugs, looking away to the walls plastered with old, fading posters. "Yeah, I know," he says. "But you deserve it. You deserve nice things."

The words make Hoseok’s eyes glitter so brightly, lips parting in surprise before they settle into a smile so radiant Hyunwoo knows that falling into the seas to see it again would be worth it.

**

They end up in the restaurant at eight sharp, sitting stiffly in formal suits. Hyunwoo has long since shrugged off his jacket, hanging it over the back of his chair as he glances over the menu and attempts to keep the confused furrow of his brows at bay.

"I have no idea what any of these things are," Hyunwoo says. He's relieved to hear Hoseok sigh and nod, looking up to his soft features illuminated by the candlelight.

"Maybe—hold on, let me try this," Hoseok glances around before pulling his phone out of his pocket, tapping something on the screen before turning it to Hyunwoo. "Okay, this website says that we should get—I'm not even gonna try pronouncing this—we should get that for appetizers...?" The confidence trails off into confusion, clearly baffled by the increasing amount of choices and options. Hoseok tilts his head as he scans the menu again, and Hyunwoo lets out a frustrated huff.

"This is a lot to unpack," he says, running a hand through his unstyled hair. Hoseok looks up and fixes him with a soft, apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry, I know how my mom can be. If it makes you feel any better, I feel weird being here too. It's like everyone's judging us." He pats Hyunwoo's hand, and Hyunwoo shrugs, expression relaxing.

"Don't be sorry, I’m the one who invited you out here anyways." Hyunwoo glances around again, before lowering his voice until they were the only ones who could hear it. "Do you want to go to McDonalds or something? Burger King? Something that suits us both?"

Hoseok grins as he slowly stands. "I thought you'd never ask."

A waitress comes over when she spots Hoseok standing, concern in her eyes. "Is something the matter?" She asks.

Hoseok immediately pouts, eyes shiny. "A family emergency just came up—I'm so sorry, but we have to go."

"Oh," the waitress' expression shifts into concern as she gestures to their table. "Should we hold your table?"

"No, it's fine," Hyunwoo says, taking Hoseok by the elbow. "I don't think this is something that can be handled in a few minutes. Thank you so much for the service though, even if we didn't get to order." Hyunwoo pulls out his wallet and nudges thirty dollars into the waitress' hand with a warm smile. "Sorry for the trouble."

Hyunwoo leads Hoseok out of the restaurant after shrugging into his jacket. No one spares them a second glance, and the second they step outside into the evening air, Hyunwoo releases the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Nice acting," Hoseok says between laughter, and Hyunwoo reaches over to shove him with a laugh.

"Shut up, you were the one getting all teary eyed about a  _ family emergency, _ " he says, but there's no hiding the smile blooming across his features. "So now what? Go to McDonalds then head home?"

"What?" Hoseok's voice pitches in a shrill tone as he shakes his head. "No! The night's still young, we'll grab McDonalds and go..." He pauses, scratching his neck in thought before his eyes sparkle with an idea. "We'll go to the cinema!"

“The cinema?” Hyunwoo repeats. There’s amusement tangled in his words. “What can we even watch?”

“We’ll just pick whatever’s gonna show in the next thirty minutes.” Hoseok grins, tugging on Hyunwoo’s wrist towards the cinema. It’s a catch in Hyunwoo’s throat to see Hoseok so  _ youthful _ , a bright-eyed wonder that hadn’t changed from when Hyunwoo first fell in love with him at twenty one. 

It’s almost laughably easy to let himself be tugged along, following Hoseok further into the night with a heart thumping like a lovesick fool.

**

They end up watching an action movie. It’s nothing to write home about, with flat characters and an overdone plot only made interesting with the special effects, but it makes Hoseok cry at one point because a dog had to be left behind. Hoseok had clutched Hyunwoo’s hand in the cinema, stifling little sobs as the dog barked at a car that drove off into the distance. Hyunwoo wouldn’t admit it, but he held Hoseok’s hand a little tighter to soothe him.

They’re walking towards the bus stop that’ll take them back to Hoseok’s house, quiet as their steps matched up. The street goes from busy to desolate with only a turn around the corner, and Hoseok suddenly stops underneath a streetlight.

“What’s up?” Hyunwoo asks, turning on his heel to face Hoseok. “All the popcorn bothering your stomach? I told you to not to eat so many.”

“No, it’s not the popcorn.” Hoseok rolls his eyes before holding a hand out. He has a gentle smile on his features when he says, “Dance with me?”

“Here?” Hyunwoo glances around. There’s no one around as far as he can see, no one except the two of them underneath a streetlight that seems just a shade more romantic with the context Hyunwoo isn’t sure he wants to dwell on. 

But he dwells on it, just a little, because he can.

Hyunwoo steps forward and takes Hoseok’s hand hesitantly. Hoseok’s fingers are cold when they curl around his own, pulling him closer until they’re almost toe to toe. There’s no music to guide them, but they find a rhythm easily, stepping back and forth until they’re doing a basic box step across the sidewalk. It brings an almost laugh from Hyunwoo, an exhale that doesn’t quite make it past anything further as he guides Hoseok into a spin.

They’re dancing underneath a soft streetlight and an even softer moonlight, two figures against the backdrop of a city fast asleep. Hyunwoo spins Hoseok one more time before catching him against his chest, hand curled low around his waist as they catch their breath and smile at each other, soft laughter overflowing between them.

Then Hoseok rises onto his toes, mouth soft against Hyunwoo’s.

Hyunwoo can’t help the sound of surprise, feeling Hoseok pull away and seeing his cheeks decorated in pink.

“I’m sorry—I don’t know what I—” Hoseok babbles, stepping away until Hyunwoo pulls him close again, a hand cupping his jaw and the other settling on his waist before he kisses Hoseok quiet. Hoseok’s hands fumble in surprise before clutching at the lapels of his jacket.

Kissing Hoseok is like kissing the starlight and the sun all in one, and Hyunwoo’s lungs catch fire at the familiarity of it all.

**

They never talk about the kiss.

Hyunwoo knows they've long since passed the point of just acting. Exes pretending to be in love don't  _ pretend _ like they do—where they blur reality and fantasy and never talk about how it pushes them into a different direction. Exes don’t kiss and hold hands and look at each other like the way Hoseok and Hyunwoo do. 

But Hoseok said nothing about the kiss, and Hyunwoo isn’t planning on opening his mouth either, so he resigns himself to the fact it was just a slip up. Two people caught in the moment. As far as Hyunwoo is concerned, they’re still putting up a front.

They’re squeezed together on a bed made for someone so much smaller, surrounded by the posters a younger Hoseok had put up once upon a time. They’re lying shoulder to shoulder, focused on their phones but so hyperaware of each other. After tomorrow, they were both going back to their own lives, and the reality that a week had already come to a close was something neither wanted to approach.

“Can I say something?” Hoseok asks hesitantly, and Hyunwoo glances away from his phone to meet Hoseok’s eyes. The honesty in them makes his head swim.

“Being with you for the past week,” Hoseok starts, huffing to himself in the way he does when he’s struggling to gather his thoughts. “After we kissed, I realized that being with you is easy. Pretending to date, it was like we picked up right where we left off.” Hoseok shyly glances to Hyunwoo before saying, “It’s easy to act like I’m in love with you, because I still am.” Hoseok sits up, and Hyunwoo becomes all too aware of the rush in his ears. “I love you, Hyunwoo. I guess I never really stopped or—or forgot about it, and I wanted to tell you before I regretted it.” 

Hyunwoo stays where he is before forcing himself to sit up slowly. He doesn’t meet Hoseok’s eyes, focuses instead on the way the sheets bunch beneath his fingers. He can’t hear anything besides Hoseok’s confession, looping over and over like a broken record he’s too fond of to throw away. 

“You don’t love me,” Hyunwoo says quietly. The words rear the head of something that’s sat dormant in his stomach for too long: a dangerous mix of self-sabotage and the urge to protect Hoseok.

“What?”

“It’s—we said it was pretend.” Hyunwoo clutches the sheets tighter. “We can’t just go back because you said ‘I love you’ or because we kissed and held hands. It doesn’t work that way. No matter how it felt to you or to me or to both of us, it doesn’t change the fact that it was fake. We were just pretending, Hoseok.”

“Don’t,” Hoseok says, and there’s an edge to his voice that lifts Hyunwoo’s gaze upwards. “You don’t get to pull that—that  _ shit _ with me again.”  

“I’m not pulling anything.”

“You are!” He scrambles off the bed, muscles tense. Hyunwoo keeps himself steady and calm. He can’t afford to get caught up in the storm. “You and I both know this stopped being pretend ages ago. We  _ both _ know that, so why am I the  _ only _ one trying to figure out what this means?”

“Because I’m trying to protect you!” Hyunwoo snaps, standing up. “Because I’m trying to protect you. I’m not—you deserve someone better, someone who isn’t me.” His voice goes quiet, shameful. He glances down to his hands, balling them up into fists when they fail to stop shaking. “I can’t give you what you want, even though I really want to. I’m just some corporate bound accountant—I’ve  _ always _ been a corporate bound accountant and you’ve—you have  _ something _ , Hoseok. I’d only drag you down. ”

“Bullshit,” Hoseok says, and Hyunwoo narrows his eyes at him. “You said that to me three years ago. You said I deserve better and that you’d hold me back but I haven’t  _ found _ anything better because for me, better was always you.”

Hyunwoo presses the heels of his palms to his eyes until stars explode across his vision. “Why are you so stubborn,” he breathes out. “Why can’t you just leave me behind?”

“Because you’re worth it to me,” Hoseok says. “I love you, and I hate seeing you think you’re not worth any effort because you are.”

“You can’t be sure of that,” Hyunwoo retorts. “You can’t be sure that I’m worth everything you have to offer.”

“Hyunwoo,” Hoseok’s voice breaks off, exasperated. “I don’t have to have  _ facts _ , or anything to show you to prove what I feel. Feelings aren’t something you can calculate from a payroll. You just—you just  _ know _ , and I know I love you. I know you’re worth everything. I want to try again with you, properly this time.” 

Hyunwoo feels Hoseok gently touch his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. He looks right into Hoseok’s eyes, all gentle concern and determination and Hyunwoo’s walls fall. “I don’t know what to do with my feelings for you,” Hyunwoo murmurs. “There’s so much to untangle, but I’m—I’m scared I’ll fuck it up somehow. I’m still scared I’m not enough for you, or that I’ll just mess up. I  _ want _ to be with you but—” 

“What should I do, Hoseok?” Hyunwoo asks quietly. He doesn’t mean to get attached to the warmth that Hoseok’s hands offer him, but he chases after it anyways, looking for any anchor now that Hoseok has rocked the boat.

“I don’t know,” Hoseok says simply, a little regret slipping into his words. “I just know you can do it.”

Hyunwoo nods, eyes drifting shut as he feels the boat move with the waves to right itself. 

“I’m gonna go back to New York again,” Hyunwoo says slowly, placating the worried look in Hoseok’s eyes with a shake of his head. “I’m not leaving for good, I just—I need to be away from all of this to think clearly. I need to be on my own for a bit.”

“I get it,” Hoseok says. “I’ll wait for you right here, however long it takes.”

It makes Hyunwoo smile, shaking his head fondly. “Anyone ever tell you you’re the most stubborn person alive?”

“Only you,” Hoseok says with a soft laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title for this chapter comes from day6's "hurt road" !
> 
> we're reaching the end of the fic, and i just wanted to say i'm so grateful for every reader who's decided to stick with the story! it really means so much to me that u all leave the nicest comments nd kudos nd truly,,, every time i get an email abt this fic,,, my heart goes big uwu moods ... 
> 
> also, just in case anyone is interested, [here's](https://open.spotify.com/user/a.mira16/playlist/3qbeNG9YfufiTgdbOQpd6l?si=cxg1xgOWQYywy3WSA7MMfw) the playlist i listen to when writing :D
> 
> again, kudos nd comments r very much appreciated !! thank u for reading <33


	5. v. i want to know just how to love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where love builds a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, wiping away tears: chapter 5 already ? Big Emo .

Hoseok, despite Hyunwoo arguing that buses were a thing of the present and  _ perfectly _ fine for him to take, insists that Hyunwoo take his car. He hands the keys over as Hyunwoo stands by the front door in the early morning, the sun yet to rise over the horizon. They linger for a few moments, hands intertwined as Hyunwoo puts off the drive back.

“Stay safe on the road,” Hoseok murmurs. “Don’t forget to stop for breakfast if what I packed isn’t enough and—and text me too, please. If you want.”

“I think that defeats the purpose of me going back on my own,” Hyunwoo says, but he squeezes Hoseok’s hand in a reassuring manner. “I’ll try to text you, but I do need to work this out by myself first.”

Hoseok’s features fall, delicate in the dim morning as he visibly holds back what he wants to say. Hyunwoo swipes his thumb over the back of Hoseok’s hand, back and forth, aiming for soothing actions where his words fail. He breathes out slowly before stepping out of the door, shooting one last smile to Hoseok. “Tell your mom I said bye, alright?”

“I will,” Hoseok says. “She’s gonna lose it when she realizes you left without letting her know.”

Hyunwoo makes a face, a little guilty around the edges. “You can tell her the truth, you know. About us.” Hyunwoo hesitates again, the grooves of the car key digging into his palm. It’s a bite that grounds him. “If you want to, I guess.”

Hoseok shrugs. He’s shivering slightly despite the layers. “I might,” he says. “Maybe that’s something I need to work out too.”

Hyunwoo’s laugh is quiet, a barely there puff that smokes up before him. “I’ll see you soon, Hoseok.”

“Stay safe, okay?”

“I will.”

**

Hyunwoo drives back to New York.

He plays music loud enough so he doesn’t have the chance to think about anything besides following his GPS’ directions. He stops about an hour and a half in the drive back to eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches Hoseok had made, before washing it down with still warm coffee. He drives until rolling, empty landscapes begin to dot themselves with towns that turn into towering skyscrapers and picturesque modernity, and then Hyunwoo parks the car in a parking lot for an unassuming apartment building. He lets the elevator take him to the fourth floor before rapping his knuckles against the farthest door in the hallway. 

Hyungwon pulls the door open, features scrunched up with leftover sleep and exhaustion. “Hyunwoo?” He asks, voice laced with telltale signs. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be back until tomorrow.”

“Hoseok and I… talked,” Hyunwoo says. “Can I come in though?”

Hyungwon nods, pulling the door open all the way. Hyunwoo squeezes his way in through, taking his shoes off and settling them onto the shoe rack Hyungwon kept near the door. He makes a beeline for the living room, throwing himself onto the couch and wrapping the worn, soft blanket around himself as he finally relaxes and lets a weight roll off his shoulders.

Hyungwon follows after Hyunwoo, steps quiet against the wooden flooring as he sits on the floor, his back against the sofa. His head tilts back until it rests against Hyunwoo’s arm. “So?” Hyungwon prompts.

“So,” Hyunwoo drawls. “We talked.”

“No shit.” Hyungwon laughs. “About what? What happened? Why are you back a day early? There’s questions you’re not answering.”

Hyunwoo goes silent. He doesn’t really know what to tell Hyungwon, doesn’t really know what to make of the whole situation himself. It’s hard, he thinks, hard for someone like him to dig deep into his head and just pull out answers to all the questions. He’s not like Hoseok, where speaking honestly has become some internal policy. He’s not like Hyungwon either, who pulls truth like it’s something he learned through a manners and elegance lesson course.

He’s just Hyunwoo. And Hyunwoo has always struggled with thinking about himself in a deeper fashion.

There’s a meow next to the couch before Makki hops up onto Hyunwoo’s thighs, trotting to rest on his stomach. Hyunwoo wiggles his arm out of the blanket to scratch Makki’s ears with a smile.

“She looks chubby,” Hyunwoo says. 

“She broke into the cabinet last night.” Hyungwon twists around so he can prod Makki’s side gently. “Decided to eat as many treats as she could stomach before throwing it up on my bed.”

“Stinky baby,” Hyunwoo murmurs. He squishes Makki’s paw. “Demon baby.”

“Are you going to keep calling your cat names or are you going to answer my questions at some point?”

Hyunwoo sighs. “I think I’m gonna sleep on it.”

Hyungwon doesn’t argue with him. He pushes himself to his feet instead, gathering Makki into his arms with a huff. “I’ll wake you up for dinner,” he says. Hyunwoo smiles gratefully at him, and Hyungwon returns it with something smaller before disappearing back into the hallway.

Hyunwoo curls up on the small couch, pulling the blanket over his shoulders like a shield against the world. He pulls his phone out and opens Hoseok’s contact, thumbs hovering over the keyboard before he taps in a message and hits send.

_ just arrived in ny.  _ He reads, briefly contemplating sending another before deciding against it. He waits for a minute, just in case Hoseok replies, but it passes and there’s nothing new waiting for him. He puts his phone on ‘do not disturb’ before putting it on the floor.

It’s not sleep that comes for him, all sweet and gentle as it takes him away. Rather, it’s exhaustion and overthinking—overwhelming in every sense. It still pulls Hyunwoo under.

** 

Hyungwon wakes him up for dinner, as promised. They dig into pizza as they binge through older episodes of  _ Brooklyn Nine-Nine _ on Hyungwon’s laptop. Makki has disappeared somewhere within Hyungwon’s small apartment, but he tells Hyunwoo not to worry, so he doesn’t.

It’s surprisingly easy to let go in Hyungwon’s apartment. He doesn’t have to try and sort the thousands of thoughts that his brain fires at him every second of the day, and though he feels Hyungwon’s concerned looks on him, he never pushes Hyunwoo to share more than he feels ready to. 

Hyunwoo feels—he just feels. Less, maybe, but he’s still feeling something. It’s not overwhelming or threatening to consume every inch of his being or settled so deep in the threads of his mind that daring to explore feels like a death wish. It’s just there, and Hyunwoo lets himself explore that subtle, safe feeling.

That’s part of why he went back to New York, anyways. 

He doesn’t take his phone off of ‘do not disturb’. He keeps it on, checks his messages when he feels like it. Hoseok had replied to him with a thumbs up emoji, but that was the extent of their communication. 

Hyunwoo doesn’t want to push it. Doesn’t want to sort through his feelings while still being attached to the one person they were about. Hyunwoo lacks many things, but commitment isn’t one of them. He  _ wants _ to understand himself past the walls he put up, so high even he couldn’t climb them. He wants to give Hoseok the world, and then the universe. But he wants to do it with a clear head and a sure heart.

The episode ends on a cliffhanger, and Hyungwon pauses the episode that starts up in its place. “I started seeing that guy, by the way,” he says, turning to Hyunwoo. “The one I met at the club.”

“Oh?” Hyunwoo arches an eyebrow, steeples his fingers and rests his chin on them in interest. It makes Hyungwon laugh, a drawn out wheeze that brings a laugh out of Hyunwoo too. “Tell me about him?”

“His name is Minhyuk,” Hyungwon starts. “He’s a model, but he wants to be an actor. He makes me laugh with shitty jokes but sometimes, he’ll text me in the middle of the night to ask how I feel about constellations and their history amongst humanity.”

Hyunwoo snorts. He can’t help it, but Hyungwon’s lips tilt up in an amused smile.

“I don’t know if we’re going for anything serious but,” Hyungwon shrugs, lacing his fingers and resting them on his lap. He looks happy. “I like him.”

Hyunwoo gives a gentle shove to Hyungwon, but their definitions of gentle don’t cross, so Hyungwon stills bumps into the arm of the sofa like a paper doll. “Think I’ll meet him one day?” Hyunwoo asks.

“Maybe,” Hyungwon says softly. “You’ll have to work out your issues first, though.”

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. “You’re not funny at all.”

“Minhyuk thinks I’m hilarious.”

**

Hyunwoo falls into a sort-of routine. He says sort-of, because he does the same three activities in a random order. 

He plays with Makki until she grows bored of him and scratches exposed skin for fun. He sleeps too long, long enough that he’s giving Hyungwon a run for his own money. He briefly goes back to his apartment to grab his own laptop, so he can look over the year-end statements for his company again.

(Hyunwoo knows they’ve all been double-checked by other staff members. He got the email that gave the statements the go-ahead weeks ago, but some part of him itches to do something that’s still irrevocably  _ him.) _

He makes the couch his own even though Hyungwon had offered the guest bedroom. Guest bedrooms still seemed to sting a little, heavy with memories and associations that Hyunwoo doesn’t feel ready to look at.

He guesses that it’s a sign he still doesn’t feel ready to talk to himself yet.

**

What was supposed to be several days at Hyungwon’s place bleeds into two weeks. Outside of Hyunwoo staying in the living room, Hyungwon continues to live his life, He goes on dates with Minhyuk (who becomes an enigma to Hyunwoo as the days crawled by) and occasionally sits down at the small coffee table by the sofa to work on his lesson plans for the new semester. Hyunwoo even helps out at one point, even though Hyungwon ends up throwing a pillow at his face for mixing up the chapter on ecology and his own thoughts about economy.

Hoseok hasn’t texted him again, and Hyunwoo feels just a little bit nervous. He knows Hoseok would wait for him, had listened to him declare it earnestly, but he can’t help the way doubt gnaws at his resolve. It’s always been part of him, he thinks, to doubt everything good that comes his way. To question if he deserved it or if it was something he was supposed to let go.

He doesn’t get to linger on those thoughts because Hyungwon drops himself down in front of Hyunwoo, arms crossed and features determined.

“What’s this about?” Hyunwoo muses.

“Glad you asked,” Hyungwon says. He points towards the bathroom. “Go shower, we’re going to have a  _ long _ discussion.”

“I showered just this morning,” Hyunwoo argues. It falls on deaf ears, because Hyungwon only narrows his large eyes at him.

“And?” Hyungwon says. “Go shower again. It’s important that you have a clear head for this.”

Hyunwoo heaves a long, drawn out sigh before stumbling to his feet, making his way towards the bathroom. It’s a relatively quick shower, with the water turned as cold as he can stand to wake him up. When he steps back into the living room, with fresh pajamas and a soothing warmth in his chest, Hyungwon has cleaned up the area Hyunwoo had claimed as his own.

“Oh, you’re done,” Hyungwon says. “Sit down, let’s talk.”

They sit facing each other on the floor. Hyunwoo has monopolized Hyungwon’s blanket again, wrapping it around his shoulders. In retaliation, Hyungwon has Makki, carding his fingers through her long fur as she bats a toy carrot.

“Talk,” Hyungwon demands. “I’m worried about you, Hyunwoo. It’s been two weeks and all you do is sleep or obsessively work—”

“Hey, I play with Makki, too.”

“That’s not—that’s not something to boast about,” Hyungwon says. “My point _ is— _ you’ve pushed it off long enough.”

“It’s not  _ easy,  _ you know,” Hyunwoo says. “Talking about my feelings just doesn’t come as easily as it does for you.”

Hyungwon doesn’t hide how unimpressed he is with his answer. It’s the rise of his eyebrow that gives Hyunwoo the final push to start.

“We—the night before, we talked. We fought, actually, at first. But then we started talking.” Hyunwoo distractedly plucks at a stray thread on the leg of his pants. “He said he loved me, you know. That he never stopped.”

Hyungwon regards him with something in his expression that Hyunwoo can’t name. It looks like intrigue but feels like worry.

“I didn’t tell you but I realized I still,” Hyunwoo pauses, struggling with the words. “I still felt  _ something  _ for him. We almost kissed at one point, and then we actually kissed for real, and spending time with him was easy instead of something I was scared of.

“I think the only time I was scared around him was when I noticed that I was starting to keep him close instead of,” Hyunwoo gestures something complicated, hoping his hands will speak for him. Hyungwon nods in understanding, and Hyunwoo can’t help the rush of gratitude that he so easily understands him when he lacks the words.

He figures that’s the only reasonable result to have when you’ve been friends since childhood.

“It was  _ supposed _ to be pretend. The whole relationship thing.” Hyunwoo’s eyes flick upwards to catch Hyungwon’s. “But I think we both knew it stopped being fake at some point. The only person who was still trying to cling onto the pretend aspect was me, and Hoseok saw right through that.”

Hyunwoo holds his hands out for Makki. She rolls out of Hyungwon’s lap and into Hyunwoo’s arms. 

“I love him,” Hyunwoo murmurs. It’s a warm realization, blooming from within his chest like a ray of sun in winter. He looks to Hyungwon, takes in his smile tinged with pride and huffs a self-deprecating laugh. “I love Hoseok but I’m still—Hyungwon, what if I’m not good enough for him? What if there’s something better waiting out there for him and I’m just holding him down?”

“Get out of your head,” Hyungwon says. “Hoseok’s capable of making his own choices and judging by what you’ve told me, he’s chosen you. Have you ever stopped to think that  _ maybe _ , for Hoseok, something ‘better’ is you?”

“I—” Hyunwoo stops. He thinks about it, actually lets himself fall into the water instead of staying at the edge. He thinks about Hoseok, who asked for Hyunwoo to be the other part of this huge favor even though there had been three years between them. Hoseok, who so stubbornly stuck by Hyunwoo’s side even though he’d given his all into pushing him away. Hoseok, who’s spent the past two weeks waiting for Hyunwoo in some suburban neighbourhood three hours away.

“I can’t force you to think of yourself in a better light but Hoseok—Hoseok really loves you, and you love him too. Don’t you think you both deserve another chance?”

Hyunwoo bites the inside of his cheek, thoughtful. He doesn’t answer Hyungwon immediately—doesn’t know if Hyungwon is even looking for an answer. His fingers brush against Makki’s fur and he remembers the fond look in Hoseok’s eyes when he looked at photos of her and remembers, even further, the joy in his smile as they brought her home for the first time.

Maybe, Hyunwoo thinks, he’s always been fated to fall back into Hoseok.

“I should,” Hyunwoo starts, and then gently pushes Makki off of his lap. “I should text Hoseok—call him—I need to go talk to him.”

“Go,” Hyungwon says encouragingly. “You know what to do.”

Hyunwoo pushes himself to his feet, blanket still wrapped around his shoulders as he grabs his phone and heads for the front door. He stops just short of putting his shoes on, sliding the blanket off his shoulders and balling it up to throw at Hyungwon. “Hey,” he says. “Thanks.”

Hyungwon shrugs, a smile bright on his lips. “I want to see you happy, Hyunwoo,” he says. “Also, are you coming back for Makki?”

“Uh.” Hyunwoo nods. “Yes, I’m—I’ll be back. I’ll come back for Makki so—please take care of her a little bit longer.” 

“Okay, good.” Hyungwon waves Hyunwoo away. “Minhyuk thinks this is my cat so I want to hold onto her until I can tell him she’s yours.”

Hyunwoo laughs, shaking his head. “Do I get to meet him now that I’ve figured it out?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says. “But come on, go. Hoseok’s waiting.”

**

Hyunwoo drives back to his apartment. 

It’s a weird feeling, to step back into his own home after spending so long at Hyungwon’s. The whole place is dark, curtains drawn and blocking out the rays of moonlight. Every corner has remnants of himself, of hiding away and locking down the ghosts of old feelings. He goes to his bedroom, hand tracing along the surface of his dresser before he sits at the foot of his bed, phone in hand.

He bites the bullet and calls Hoseok.

“Hello? Hyunwoo?” Hoseok’s voice is layered with a little of that recognizable phone static, but it’s still  _ Hoseok.  _ Hyunwoo lets go of the breath he forgot he was holding onto.

“Hi,” Hyunwoo says. “Hi—I, uh, hi.”

There’s a soft, twinkling laughter on the other end. “Hi.”

“I need to talk to you.” Hyunwoo fumbles with his grip on his phone. His heart thuds against his chest painfully. “In person, I want to—I want to talk to you in person. Can I come over now?”

“Now?” Hoseok asks. Hyunwoo can hear the way his breath catches on the word, can hear the surprise in it. “But it’ll be close to midnight by the time you get here.”

“It’s fine,” Hyunwoo says in a rush. “I want to stay by your side, Hoseok.” He pauses, presses his lips together before saying, “I know what I want now, and it’s you. It’s always been you. I’ve just been too stupid to realize it.”

He doesn’t hear a response from Hoseok. It’s quiet until he hears a soft little sniff. 

“Okay,” Hoseok says, voice shaky. “Okay, I’ll wait here. I’m waiting for you.”

“Okay,” Hyunwoo repeats. “I’m going now. I’ll—I’ll text you as soon as I can.”

The laughter this time is soft and certain and it makes Hyunwoo smile. He looks down to the floor, feels nothing but the warm, heavy weight of knowing he was making the right decision. He ends the call as soon as Hoseok says his goodbyes and throws on the first jacket he can find.

**

The way back to DC is becoming a familiar one. 

He’s overflowing with energy, just enough to keep him awake for the road trip. He doesn’t even pay attention to the scenery, not when it’s blanketed by the night sky and he’s only focusing on the directions his GPS is giving him. He’s not even bothered when someone cuts him off on his lane, shaking his head in slight annoyance that fades as quickly as it had come.

He pulls over as soon as he enters Maryland, a good three hours into his drive. He taps on Hoseok’s contact and sends him a quick update.

_ made it to maryland. just another 40 mins or so.  _

Hoseok’s reply comes almost immediately.  _ U okay? I know it’s late. _

_ i’m fine.  _ Hyunwoo hovers over the keyboard before adding, _ you’re not too tired are you? I can find a motel. _

Hoseok’s name takes up the screen and Hyunwoo accepts the call.

“If anything,” Hoseok says with a grin. “Knowing you’re so close is keeping me awake.”

Hyunwoo ducks his head, hiding back laughter. He leans over his steering wheel, mindful of the horn. “You should rest while you can.”

“It’s fine, really,” Hoseok says. “I said I’d wait for you, didn’t I?”

Hyunwoo smiles even though he knows Hoseok can’t see it. It sparks something in his veins: comfort, maybe, or just something he can’t name.

“I’ll get going then,” Hyunwoo says, leaning back in his seat. “I’ll see you, okay?”

“Okay,” Hoseok says. “Drive safely.”

Hyunwoo ends the call with a shaky hand, setting his phone onto the passenger seat. He takes in a deep breath, a settling weight in his lungs as he comes to terms with the fact he’s doing it all for Hoseok.

He lets go of that breath, lets it carry his fears and anxieties out as he starts the car again for the last stretch.

Hyunwoo was finally going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title for this chapter comes from troye sivan's "lucky strike" !
> 
> i rly dont have anything 2 say beyond like ,,, messy Jumbled words of how grateful i am 4 the response on this fic :-( u've all been the Best Readers i could've ever asked for so !! big love for u guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank u for all the kudos nd comments left behind on every chapter :-( <3
> 
> also just Throwin this out there but would u guys like 2 see an epilogue owo ? let me kno nd i'll see what i can Wrangle Up bc i am . for sure . not ready 2 let go of this universe yet jhjhGKHS
> 
> anyways, i hope u all have a fun/safe christmas if u celebrate it (nd if not, i hope u have an ~amazing~ few days) !!!! i'll see u guys in the final chapter :D !!!!!!!!!!!


	6. vi. so now on, i wanna love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where something better has been all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nd this is it folks !!! the last chapter of 'the end of infinity with you' !

Hyunwoo makes it to Hoseok’s place by midnight, just as they had guessed. He kills the engine in the driveway and stays seated for a moment longer, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. It doesn’t do anything to calm his nerves, not really—not when they’re racing a mile a minute and threatening to wash him away. 

He finds an anchor though, grabs onto a hypothetical tree with Hoseok’s words scratched deep into the trunk. It grounds him enough to push open the door and step out into the cold.

He sees Hoseok first, sitting on the porch bench with a thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He’s staring at his phone, distracted, and Hyunwoo thinks that Hoseok probably hasn’t even noticed that he’s arrived. He takes one step, and then another, and then he’s walking up the driveway and stepping onto the porch until he’s in front of Hoseok, just a stone’s throw away.

Hoseok looks up before his phone slips from his fingers and lands onto the bench with a soft clatter. “Hyunwoo,” he says softly, and the dam breaks.

“I’m sorry.” He says the words slowly, and Hyunwoo find Hoseok looking up to him. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you three years ago, that I hurt our relationship because I didn’t want to hold you down, and for trying to push you away after you had told me how you felt. I was a dumbass, and a jerk, and just—I was so  _ awful  _ to you because I thought that you were too good for someone like me, and it was my responsibility to keep you away so you could go find something better.”

Hyunwoo sinks to his knees, eyes level with Hoseok’s. He catches the glassy quality in them, shiny with unshed tears. “I’m sorry for putting you through so much hurt, Hoseok. I’m really sorry. I want to do better this time—I want to  _ be  _ a better person for us, if you’ll have me.”

Hoseok says nothing for a moment, fixates his eyes on Hyunwoo’s features until the weight of it makes him lower down his head. Then, Hyunwoo feels arms around his shoulders until he’s tugged forward into a hug.

“You mean it?” Hoseok whispers.

“I do,” Hyunwoo says. He gently pulls away from Hoseok’s grasp, takes his hands with a gentle touch. He takes a deep breath before he says, “I love you, Hoseok.” 

For the first time, Hyunwoo feels the weight he’s been carrying for three years fall from his shoulders. Hoseok is smiling now, barely restrained happiness radiating off his features. His eyes are still shiny, but they’re  _ bright,  _ something unexplainable but warm. It’s an image Hyunwoo wants to keep forever. “I love you so much, and I never stopped loving you, and I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t. You don’t need to apologize again,” Hoseok interrupts him, words gentle. He shakes his head. “I’m just really happy you figured it out and came back to me.”

Hyunwoo laughs, soft and quiet like their surroundings. Hoseok seems to realize they’ve both been on their knees for a while, because he slides back up onto the porch bench and pats the space next to him. Hyunwoo takes the offered spot, adjusting the blanket so it’s wrapped around the pair snugly.

“I know what I want,” Hyunwoo says. Hoseok looks over at him curiously and he can’t help it when he smiles. “Remember how you said I could ask for anything in return for pretending to be your boyfriend?”

Hoseok nods slowly.

“This is me cashing in that favor,” Hyunwoo says before taking Hoseok’s hand, turning it over in his. He taps the inside of Hoseok’s wrist, twice.  _ Can I kiss you? _

Hoseok laughs breathlessly, head bumping into Hyunwoo’s shoulder. He pulls away to tap the back of Hyunwoo’s hand twice.  _ Yes _ .

Hyunwoo doesn’t know who leans in first, but their lips meet soon enough in a chaste kiss, tinged with the cold of DC. He feels Hoseok’s hand cradle his jaw, his palm warm against his skin, and he smiles. Hoseok feels it, and he pulls away to pout.

“What?” He asks, and Hyunwoo shakes his head.

“Nothing, nothing,” Hyunwoo says, soothing Hoseok’s worries with another kiss. “I’m just happy, I’m really happy.”

They kiss over and over again on the porch, hands intertwined underneath the blanket until Hyunwoo ends up sulking about how cold he is. It makes Hoseok giggle though, a delicate little sound Hyunwoo wants to bottle up. Hoseok takes his hands as he leads him back inside the house.

They tiptoe through the hallways, careful to be quiet before they manage to slip into the guest bedroom, the door shutting behind them with a soft click. Hyunwoo crawls into bed, holding his arms out for Hoseok to cuddle into. It’s not the first time they’ve slept side by side, but it’s the first time Hyunwoo actually faces Hoseok’s direction.

They don’t end up talking, settling for soft touches on arms and learning how to fit against each other again. Before long, Hoseok is cuddled into Hyunwoo’s chest, arm thrown around his middle, fast asleep.

“Good night,” Hyunwoo whispers into Hoseok’s hair. “I love you.”

**

Hyunwoo wakes up first, as he’s always done. 

He runs through his morning routine until he finds himself back in the guest bedroom, pacing across the floor for a few moments, running a hand through messy hair. He gets too overconfident with his pacing though, because he ends up misjudging the distance between him and a bedside table—knocking into it with a thud. He freezes at the noise, turning towards the bed where Hoseok makes a noise as he wakes up.

“What are you doing?” Hoseok asks, slowly sitting up as he blinks the sleep out of his eyes.

“Trying to hype myself up to talk to your mom?” Hyunwoo goes to sit on the bed, smoothing Hoseok’s hair out for him. Hoseok gives Hyunwoo a questioning look, and Hyunwoo ends up saying, “Like, apologize to her. She deserves an apology too.”

Hoseok sleepily blinks at Hyunwoo before nodding.

They find Hoseok’s mom in the kitchen, preparing a cup of tea, and Hyunwoo immediately ducks his head apologetically.

“I’m sorry for lying to you about my relationship with Hoseok,” he says. “I hurt you, and I hurt Hoseok, and I’m really sorry for what I did to both of you.”

There’s a clink of a spoon hitting something, and then Hyunwoo’s being pulled into a warm hug. He freezes a little under the motherly touch, and looks at Hoseok with wide eyes. Hoseok doesn’t seem to have an answer either, looking almost as surprised as Hyunwoo feels.

She laughs as she pulls away, patting Hyunwoo’s shoulder. “You’re still doing a lot of growing for someone who’s almost thirty,” she teases. 

Hyunwoo feels his cheeks color at the comment, shrugging in embarrassment.

“I’ll admit,” she says, “I was surprised when Hoseok told me it was a ruse. You both make very convincing actors.”

“Ah,” Hyunwoo says, turning to Hoseok. Hoseok offers him a shrug of his own. “So he told you?”

“As soon as you left, he sat me down,” she says.

“Well, I guess it did stop being acting after a few days,” Hyunwoo explains and Hoseok’s mom laughs loudly, reaching out to pat Hyunwoo’s cheek.

“That doesn’t matter in the end, does it? You still came back to him.” She motions for Hoseok to come closer before enveloping the pair into a hug. Hyunwoo starts to realize where the warmth Hoseok has always emanated comes from. “I really wish the best for you both in the future, it’s what you deserve.” She picks up her spoon before brandishing it at them. “Now shoo, I can’t cook if you’re both in here. I know you’ll just eat everything.”

Hyunwoo and Hoseok end up relocating to Hoseok’s childhood bedroom. They’re sitting on the bed, side by side with their fingers intertwined. 

“So now what?” Hoseok asks, and Hyunwoo looks down at their hands. He marvels at the way they fit perfectly, like a puzzle piece that’s come together. He brings their hands up, presses a kiss to Hoseok’s knuckles.

“Well, I don’t really know,” Hyunwoo says. “I’m happy as long as I’m with you.” 

“That’s a cop out and you know it,” Hoseok replies.

“In my defense, I didn’t think this far ahead.” Hyunwoo laughs, feeling the solid presence of Hoseok against him. “Well, what do you want?”

“I want to go back to New York with you,” Hoseok says. “I think moving in together is a little too soon, so we should—”

“—Start slow? Go on a few, proper dates?” Hyunwoo asks. It makes Hoseok pause, looking at Hyunwoo with something unreadable before he laughs and nods.

“Exactly,” Hoseok says. “It surprised me a little, that you knew exactly what I had in mind.”

“I’d be ashamed of myself if I didn’t.”

Hoseok smiles, and Hyunwoo leans in to steal a kiss. 

“So, back to New York?” He asks, and Hoseok nods.

“Back to New York.”

**

The next day, Hyunwoo stands by his car as Hoseok says goodbye to his mom. He gives them a moment of privacy by looking at his phone and letting Hyungwon know he was coming back. Hyungwon sends a photo of Makki as a reply.

He barely gets a start on his reply when he hears the soft sounds of Hoseok’s footsteps approaching him. He looks up from his phone, gesturing to the car. “You ready?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Hoseok says. “My mom gave me this by the way, for the road.” He holds out a tupperware of snacks with a sheepish look.

“How did your mom prepare all that on such short notice?” Hyunwoo gives a last wave to Hoseok’s mom before he gets into the driver’s seat. A moment later, Hoseok takes his place in the seat next to his.

“Mom powers, I guess,” Hoseok says.

“Sounds about right.” Hyunwoo starts the car, backing out of the driveway. Hoseok plugs his phone into the aux and hits play on something that makes Hyunwoo glance away from the road for a second.

“Isn’t this…?”

“The song I wrote for you? Yeah, it is.” Hoseok’s hands hover over the pause button. “Is it okay?”

“It’s perfect,” Hyunwoo replies, and he dares to reach over to take Hoseok’s phone. “Don’t change it, I’ll put it on repeat—we’re gonna listen to this for three hours.”

“You’re gonna get sick of it.”

“I won’t,” Hyunwoo argues. “You made it, so I’m obligated to put it on repeat forever.”

Hoseok laughs, but he doesn’t make an attempt to stop Hyunwoo. 

**

Once they’re back in New York, Hyunwoo lets Hoseok direct him to his place. It’s a little farther in the city, where the buildings touch the sky and the streets are full of people no matter the time. He parks the car near the sidewalk and they both step out.

“So,” Hyunwoo says, walking around until he’s in front of Hoseok. “I’ll see you soon?”

“First, proper date,” Hoseok repeats. “I promise.”

Hyunwoo reaches out to hold Hoseok’s hand, linking their fingers together. He ends up taking another step, just until they’re toe to toe, and leans down a little to kiss Hoseok.

“I love you,” he says softly, and Hoseok smiles.

“I love you too.”

 

**_Epilogue_ **

 

Six months later, Hoseok officially moves into Hyunwoo’s place. It was a gradual thing at first: a few hoodies here and there, some protein packs in the kitchen, Hoseok spending three days at Hyunwoo’s place instead of one.

It wasn’t until Hyunwoo saw a toothbrush that didn’t belong to him that he asked Hoseok if he wanted to move in for real.

“Is this the last box?” Hyunwoo asks, breathing heavily as he leans against the wall. Hoseok pokes his head out of the kitchen to take inventory of the few (but heavy) boxes he had brought over to Hyunwoo’s place. 

“I think so,” he says, stepping out of the kitchen with Makki in his arms. “Did you get my gym equipment box?”

“I put it in the spare room,” Hyunwoo says, pointing to somewhere vague in the hallway. “It should be there with your plants too.”

Hoseok crouches so Makki can hop out of his arms and run off to play with an empty, opened box before he sits next to Hyunwoo.

“This is nice,” Hoseok says.

“I did most of the carrying,” Hyunwoo points out.

“Yes, thank you, you’re very strong.”

“I don’t want your compliments,” Hyunwoo hisses, a hand over his heart. He can see Hoseok struggle to hold back a laugh. “I want something else.”

“Like what?” Hoseok reaches over into a box across from them, fishing out a plush toy. “You want this?”

“No,” Hyunwoo says. He pouts his lips. “I want a kiss.”

Hoseok pushes the plush toy against Hyunwoo’s lips with a laugh. 

Hyunwoo bats the toy away, wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s waist to pull him closer. He starts peppering every expanse of skin with kisses, ignoring the way Hoseok was yelling and laughing as he tries to wiggle away. They end up falling over, tilting too much one way as Hyunwoo ends up with his back on the floor, Hoseok hovering above him.

“You really do look cute from every angle,” Hyunwoo says.

“I know,” Hoseok replies with a laugh. Hyunwoo pushes himself up on his elbows to kiss Hoseok, tasting the lemonade on his lips as Hoseok hauls him closer.

Hyunwoo knows, as they kiss surrounded by boxes and furniture, that they both had found something better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: haha icb teoiwy is over after this chapter  
> me: oh god teoiwy is over after this chapter .....
> 
> uHHHH okay idk what 2 say honestly this has been a Rollercoaster ride .... teoiwy is my first, proper multichap fic nd i've had such a Fun time sharing this with everyone,,, the support i've had 4 this fic has been so ?? overwhelming ???? like truly i am Not confident in my skills as a writer but i rly wanted to push myself w something, so this fic was it . nd like ,,, the fact ppl liked it,,, esp enough 2 keep up w it nd leave comments or kudos ,,, u guys all ,,, u Made this fic fun 2 write !!! like i rly cherished every comment left behind :( <3 
> 
> thank u so so much from the bottom of my heart for supporting this fic nd i hope to see u guys real soon w another one !!! i hope u all have an incredible 2019 :D !!!!! feel free 2 hmu on the social media below UwU !!
> 
> twitter: [@dearshowho](http://twitter.com/dearshowho) | curiouscat: [@matchalattes](https://curiouscat.me/matchalattes)

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/neolhadaz) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/neolhadaz)
> 
> thank u so much 4 reading !!! i'm really excited for this fic and i hope u guys enjoy it too :D !!! again,, comments nd kudos would Make My Year, so if u guys wanna drop any i'd rly appreciate it <3


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